I’m sitting in my doctor’s office at 61, and she’s explaining how my brain chemicals work like I’m in kindergarten, using little smiley faces and frowny faces on her whiteboard. “This is serotonin,” she says, drawing a happy face. “You need more of this.” Then she draws a stressed face. “This is cortisol. You have too much of this.”
I wanted to tell her I have a master’s degree and run multimillion-dollar budgets, but honestly? The kindergarten explanation was exactly what I needed. Because for all my education and experience, I had no idea why some days I felt like conquering the world and other days I couldn’t conquer getting out of my pajamas.
Turns out, we’re all just walking chemistry experiments. And after 61 years of experimenting on myself (mostly unsuccessfully), I finally understand how these mood chemicals work and, more importantly, how to hack them without a prescription or a PhD.
The Day I Became a Brain Chemistry Detective
It started during Curtis’s health crisis. I was running on pure adrenaline and coffee, sleeping maybe three hours a night, eating whatever the hospital vending machine offered (pro tip: hospital Snickers at 3 AM hits different).
One day I was sobbing over a dropped pen. The next day I was euphoric because I found a good parking spot. My mood swings had mood swings. I thought I was losing my mind.
My doctor (the one with the smiley faces) explained that my brain chemistry was more chaotic than a Black Friday sale at Target. Too much cortisol (stress hormone), not enough serotonin (happy chemical), dopamine crashes (reward system broken), and don’t even get me started on what menopause was doing to the whole cocktail.
That’s when I became obsessed with understanding these chemicals. Not in a “write a scientific paper” way, but in a “how do I stop crying over pens” way.
Meet Your Mood Chemical Squad
Think of your brain chemicals like coworkers. Some are helpful, some are dramatic, and some only show up when there’s free food. Here’s the roster:
Dopamine: The Achievement Junkie
Dopamine is that friend who’s always chasing the next high. New shoes? Dopamine hit. Finish a project? Dopamine hit. Someone likes your Facebook post? Tiny dopamine hit.
The problem? We’re all dopamine addicts now. Our phones are basically dopamine dealers. Every notification, every email, every Instagram heart is a little hit. No wonder we feel flat when we’re not scrolling.
My dopamine reality check: I realized I was checking email 47 times a day. FORTY-SEVEN. For what? Most of it was spam or someone replying-all to say “thanks.” I was exhausting my dopamine system on garbage.
Now I hack it differently. Finishing a Dutch pour painting? Massive dopamine hit. Crossing items off my to-do list? Dopamine. I even write down things I’ve already done just to cross them off. Don’t judge. It works.
Serotonin: The Mood Stabilizer
Serotonin is like the office manager of your brain. When it’s working, everything runs smoothly. When it’s low, everything feels hard, even things that aren’t hard, like deciding what to have for lunch or responding to “how are you?”
Fun fact: 90% of your serotonin is made in your gut. So that “gut feeling”? It’s literally your second brain talking. This explained why my mood tanked when I ate garbage and soared when I ate real food.
My serotonin discovery: Sunlight is free Prozac. I started eating breakfast outside, even if it’s just toast on the porch for five minutes. Morning sun hits different than afternoon sun for serotonin production. Science is weird.
Oxytocin: The Cuddle Chemical
Oxytocin is released when you connect with others. Hugs, cuddles, even petting your dog. It’s why I feel better after Curtis holds me, even when nothing’s actually fixed. It’s why I wish I’d hugged more people when I was younger.
The menopause plot twist: Estrogen helps produce oxytocin. Less estrogen = less oxytocin = why I sometimes feel disconnected from everyone, including myself.
My oxytocin hack: I hug Curtis for 20 seconds every morning. He thinks I’ve lost it, but 20 seconds is how long it takes for oxytocin release. I also volunteer at the animal shelter. Petting dogs for two hours = oxytocin overdose. Everyone should be prescribed puppies.
Endorphins: Nature’s Painkillers
Endorphins are your body’s homemade morphine. They kill pain and make you feel good. Exercise releases them, which is why runners are so annoyingly happy. But you know what else releases endorphins? Laughing. Crying. Spicy food. Dark chocolate. Sex. Basically, all the good things.
My endorphin confession: I hate exercise. There, I said it. My wellness plan doesn’t include gym time because I’d rather eat glass. But I discovered dancing badly to 80s music while cleaning releases endorphins. So does watching comedy specials. So does eating dark chocolate while watching comedy specials. I’m working smarter, not harder.
Cortisol: The Drama Queen
Cortisol is supposed to save your life in emergencies. Tiger chasing you? Cortisol helps you run. Problem is, your brain can’t tell the difference between a tiger and an email marked “urgent.” So we’re all walking around with tiger-level cortisol from spreadsheet-level problems.
My cortisol was so high, my doctor said I was basically marinating in stress hormones. Appetizing.
The cortisol-menopause connection: Hot flashes spike cortisol. High cortisol triggers hot flashes. It’s a fun little circle of hell. Add work stress, family stress, and world stress, and it’s a wonder any woman over 50 is functional.
The Chemical Combinations That Changed Everything
Here’s what nobody tells you: It’s not about individual chemicals. It’s about combinations. Like cooking. You need the right ingredients in the right amounts at the right time.
The Morning Cocktail
My morning routine isn’t just random happiness boosters. It’s strategic brain chemistry:
- Sunlight + Coffee = Serotonin + Dopamine
- 20-second hug = Oxytocin
- Dance while making breakfast = Endorphins
- No email for first hour = Cortisol stays low
This combination sets my brain chemistry for the day. It’s like meal prep, but for moods.
The Afternoon Rescue
3 PM is when my brain chemicals stage a revolt. Energy crashes, mood drops, everything feels impossible. Instead of pushing through (hello, cortisol) or reaching for sugar (dopamine crash later), I do this:
- 5-minute walk outside = Serotonin + Endorphins
- Call a friend = Oxytocin
- Small snack with protein = Stable blood sugar = Stable mood
- One small task completed = Dopamine
The Evening Wind-Down
Nighttime is when cortisol should drop and melatonin should rise. Mine got the memo backwards. So I created an evening chemistry protocol:
- No screens after 9 PM = Lower cortisol
- Bath with Epsom salts = Magnesium = Calm neurotransmitters
- Gratitude journal = Serotonin
- Cuddle with Curtis = Oxytocin
- Read fiction = Distraction from stress = Lower cortisol
The Supplements That Actually Help
After wasting money on every supplement that promised mood miracles, here’s what actually works:
- Magnesium: The chill pill. Most of us are deficient. It calms everything down.
- Vitamin D: Especially in winter. It’s like supplemental sunshine.
- Omega-3s: Brain food. I eat salmon or take fish oil. My brain needs the fat.
- B-complex: Energy and mood. Especially B12 after 50.
- Probiotics: For the gut-brain connection. Happy gut = happy brain.
But honestly? Real food works better than supplements. Except during hormone hurricanes. Then I need all the help.
The Reality Check
Understanding brain chemistry doesn’t mean controlling it. I still have days where my chemicals are having a rave without inviting me. Menopause adds its own chaos. Stress happens. Life happens.
But now I know why I feel what I feel. That pen I cried over? Low serotonin plus high cortisol. The euphoria over the parking spot? Dopamine was desperate for a win. The disconnection from everyone? Oxytocin taking a vacation.
Knowledge isn’t a cure, but it’s power. When I understand what’s happening, I can work with it instead of against it.
Your Chemical Happiness Hack Sheet
Need quick dopamine?
– Complete any small task
– Listen to music you love
– Eat a small piece of dark chocolate
Need serotonin boost?
– Get sunlight (even cloudy counts)
– Practice gratitude (even forced)
– Eat something with tryptophan (turkey, eggs, cheese)
Need oxytocin hit?
– 20-second hug
– Pet an animal
– Call someone you love
Need endorphins?
– Laugh (YouTube exists for this)
– Cry (sometimes necessary)
– Move your body (dancing counts)
Need cortisol reduction?
– Breathe deeply for 2 minutes
– Take a break from screens
– Say no to something
The Bottom Line
We’re all just trying to balance our brain chemistry while life throws chaos at us. After 50, with hormones joining the chaos party, it’s even harder. But understanding these chemicals gives us tools.
I’m not naturally happy. My default setting is anxious with a side of pessimistic. But I’ve learned to hack my chemicals. Some days better than others. Some days I nail the morning cocktail and feel like a neuroscience genius. Other days I eat cookies for breakfast and accept the chemical consequences.
The goal isn’t perfect brain chemistry. It’s understanding your chemistry enough to work with it. To know that feelings are often just chemicals being dramatic. To have tools when the chemicals revolt.
And sometimes? Sometimes the best mood booster is accepting that today’s chemistry is off, tomorrow’s will be different, and that’s perfectly okay.
Want to build better daily habits that support your brain chemistry? Start with building confidence, because confidence changes your entire chemical makeup.
P.S. – This morning I got a dopamine hit from finding matching socks, a serotonin boost from sun in my eyes, oxytocin from Curtis’s goodbye kiss, and endorphins from laughing at my hair in the mirror. By 7 AM, I’d hit all my chemicals. The bar is low, people. Meet yourself there.
