Today I Choose to be Willing – How to be Willing

One of the most testing seasons of commitment came after Curtis’s health crisis. While he was in the hospital for that endless month, then during his long recovery, my own health became… optional.

Who has time for exercise when you’re managing seventeen medications, driving to three doctor appointments a week, and trying to keep a business running? Who meal preps when you’re eating hospital cafeteria food at midnight, grateful they had anything left?

I gained weight. A lot of weight. The kind that makes your doctor’s eyebrows do that thing where they’re trying not to judge but definitely judging.

The Grand Commitment (That Lasted Eleven Days)

So I committed—really committed—to getting healthy.

Sunday night, I was a woman with a plan. Meal prep containers lined up like soldiers. Vegetables chopped with precision. Chicken breasts weighed to the gram. My Fitbit charged and ready. New workout clothes that still had tags. A schedule that accounted for every meal, every walk, every glass of water.

I was going to be the poster child for healthy living.

Monday: Perfect execution. 10,000 steps before noon. Salad with homemade dressing. Sixty-four ounces of water tracked meticulously.

Tuesday through Thursday: Solid effort. Maybe only 7,000 steps. Maybe store-bought dressing. But still on track.

Friday: Work exploded. Ate a protein bar for lunch. And dinner.

The next Monday: Curtis had a bad day, anxiety about a procedure. Spent the day at the hospital for what should have been routine.

Tuesday: Emergency at one of our companies.

Wednesday: Found myself eating cereal for dinner at 10 PM, standing over the sink, my Fitbit judging me from the counter where I’d abandoned it days ago.

Eleven days. My grand transformation lasted eleven days.

The Messy Truth About Being Willing

Here’s what I’m learning about willing: it’s not a one-time decision. It’s a thousand small decisions. And you won’t nail all thousand. You might not even nail half.

My week of “willing” actually looks like:

• Monday: Perfect eating, 10,000 steps, feel like a champion
• Tuesday: Good breakfast, pizza for dinner (Curtis wanted comfort food)
• Wednesday: Forgot to eat until 3 PM, then ate everything in sight
• Thursday: Back on track, meal prep and walking
• Friday: Wine and cheese for dinner (it was a day)
• Saturday: Farmer’s market vegetables and determination
• Sunday: Meal prep… while eating cookie dough
• → Today I Choose to be Mobile
• → Today I Choose to be Supportive
• → When Your Spouse Almost Dies: Finding Strength You Didn’t Know You Had

Seven different versions of willing in one week. None perfect. All counting.

But willing means you keep choosing, even after you’ve failed. Especially after you’ve failed.

Yesterday I meal prepped. Today I ate cookies for breakfast. Tomorrow I’ll try again.

The Physical Reality of Imperfect Willing

Willing has a physical signature that changes daily:

• The tight chest when I realize I’ve gone three days without vegetables
• The shoulder slump when I skip another workout
• The jaw clench when the scale confirms what I already knew
• The deep breath before starting over (again)
• The softer exhale when I forgive myself (finally)
• The tiny spark when I make one good choice
• → Today I Choose to be Mobile
• → Today I Choose to be Supportive
• → When Your Spouse Almost Dies: Finding Strength You Didn’t Know You Had

My body knows the cycle: determination, effort, failure, shame, forgiveness, restart. It’s exhausting. It’s human. It’s willing.

How to Be Willing When Willpower Fails

That’s what willing really looks like—not perfect commitment, but persistent return. Not unbroken dedication, but the choice to begin again, even when beginning again feels embarrassing.

Lower the Bar for Re-entry

After a fail, the next right thing can be tiny:

• One vegetable added to whatever else you’re eating
• One walk to the mailbox when the gym didn’t happen
• One glass of water after a day of coffee
• One minute of stretching when yoga feels impossible
• One good choice, no matter how small
• → Today I Choose to be Mobile
• → Today I Choose to be Supportive
• → When Your Spouse Almost Dies: Finding Strength You Didn’t Know You Had

The bar for return should be on the floor. Step over it, don’t pole vault.

Track Attempts, Not Just Successes

My “health journal” includes:

• Started morning workout (stopped after 5 minutes) ✓
• Packed healthy lunch (ate it plus cafeteria fries) ✓
• Walked to car farther away (counts as exercise) ✓
• Chose apple (after the cookies) ✓
• Tried again after failing ✓✓✓
• → Today I Choose to be Mobile
• → Today I Choose to be Supportive
• → When Your Spouse Almost Dies: Finding Strength You Didn’t Know You Had

Every try counts, even the ones that last eleven days. Or eleven minutes.

Find Your Version of Willing

Perfect willing doesn’t exist. Find your sustainable version:

Maybe it’s:

• Parking farther away because gym isn’t happening
• Adding vegetables to the pizza you’re going to eat anyway
• Walking during phone calls
• Choosing water after the third coffee
• Taking stairs when you remember
• Dancing while cooking (badly, but moving)
• → Today I Choose to be Mobile
• → Today I Choose to be Supportive
• → When Your Spouse Almost Dies: Finding Strength You Didn’t Know You Had

Your willing doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s.

Willing vs. Willpower

I used to think willing meant white-knuckling through temptation. Mind over matter. Discipline uber alles. That version of willing:

• Demands perfection
• Punishes failure
• Creates shame spirals
• Burns out quickly
• Feels like punishment
• → Today I Choose to be Mobile
• → Today I Choose to be Supportive
• → When Your Spouse Almost Dies: Finding Strength You Didn’t Know You Had

But at 61, I’m learning that willing isn’t about willpower. It’s about being gentle enough with yourself to keep coming back to what matters, even when you’ve wandered off the path seventeen times before lunch.

Real willing:

• Accepts humanity
• Learns from failure
• Creates compassion
• Sustains over time
• Feels like growth
• → Today I Choose to be Mobile
• → Today I Choose to be Supportive
• → When Your Spouse Almost Dies: Finding Strength You Didn’t Know You Had

The Seasonal Nature of Willing

Willing changes with circumstances:

During Crisis

Willing might just mean not giving up entirely. During Curtis’s hospital month, willing meant choosing an apple from the vending machine instead of Snickers. Sometimes.

During Stability

Willing can be more structured. Meal prep Sundays, scheduled walks, planned indulgences.

During Stress

Willing means harm reduction. If I’m going to stress eat, at least I’ll stress eat carrots first. Then the chips.

During Celebration

Willing includes joy. Birthday cake isn’t failure; it’s life. Willing means enjoying it, then returning to routine.

The Compound Effect of Imperfect Willing

Even my messy, imperfect willing has created change:

• Down 10 pounds (over 8 months, not 8 weeks)
• Walking more days than not
• Vegetables appearing more frequently
• Water bottles actually getting emptied
• Energy slightly improved
• Shame significantly decreased
• → Today I Choose to be Mobile
• → Today I Choose to be Supportive
• → When Your Spouse Almost Dies: Finding Strength You Didn’t Know You Had

Imperfect willing, sustained over time, beats perfect attempts that last eleven days.

Creating Comeback Rituals

Since I’m constantly restarting, I’ve developed comeback rituals:

The Shoe Ritual

Put on walking shoes. Just that. Sometimes it leads to walking, sometimes not, but it’s my signal of willing.

The Vegetable Ritual

Buy one vegetable I actually like. Eat it however (yes, ranch counts). It’s a foot in the door.

The Water Ritual

Fill water bottle. Put it where I’ll see it. Drink when I remember. Partial credit for trying.

The Forgiveness Ritual

Every night: “Today wasn’t perfect. Tomorrow is new. I’m still willing.”

The Community of Willing

Finding others in imperfect willing helps:

• Friends who celebrate your walk around the block
• Groups that understand the eleven-day phenomenon
• People who share their failures alongside successes
• Partners who love you at any weight
• Doctors who focus on progress, not perfection
• → Today I Choose to be Mobile
• → Today I Choose to be Supportive
• → When Your Spouse Almost Dies: Finding Strength You Didn’t Know You Had

Curtis has never once mentioned my weight gain. He celebrates my walks, ignores my cookie binges, and loves me through every restart. That’s the support that makes willing possible.

When Willing Feels Pointless

Some days, willing feels like trying to empty the ocean with a teaspoon. The weight won’t budge. The energy doesn’t come. The habits won’t stick.

On these days, I remember:

• Willing isn’t about the outcome; it’s about the attempt
• Every small choice matters, even if invisibly
• Stopping trying is the only real failure
• Tomorrow’s willing might be easier
• I’ve restarted before; I can restart again
• → Today I Choose to be Mobile
• → Today I Choose to be Supportive
• → When Your Spouse Almost Dies: Finding Strength You Didn’t Know You Had

The Grace of Being Willing

At 61, I’m learning that willing isn’t about willpower. It’s about grace—the grace to keep trying, to forgive failures, to begin again without shame.

The mess-ups don’t disqualify you from being willing. They’re part of it. They’re proof you’re human, trying to change, in a life that keeps happening while you’re trying to change.

Hospital visits will interrupt meal prep.
Work crises will derail workout plans.
Emotional days will demand comfort food.
Life will life all over your willing.

And that’s okay. That’s human. That’s real willing—not the Instagram version, but the Tuesday afternoon version where you’re doing your best with what you’ve got.

Your Invitation to Imperfect Willing

Whatever you’re trying to be willing about—health, creativity, relationships, growth—remember that willing doesn’t require perfection. It requires persistence. Not the persistence of never failing, but the persistence of always returning.

Start where you are. Start imperfectly. Start after you’ve already failed six times today. Start with one small willing choice. Then, when you inevitably unwill, start again.

Lower your bar for re-entry. Track attempts, not just successes. Find your sustainable version. Create comeback rituals. Surround yourself with people who understand imperfect willing.

Remember: the eleven-day phenomenon is universal. We all have grand plans that crash into real life. The difference between those who succeed and those who don’t isn’t perfection—it’s the willingness to try day twelve.

That’s the secret: willing isn’t about getting it right. It’s about being willing to keep trying to get it right, even when you suspect you never will completely.

And that’s enough. That messy, imperfect, beautifully human willing? It’s more than enough. It’s everything.

So here’s to day twelve. And day thirteen after you fail again. And day fourteen when you restart once more. Here’s to being willing, imperfectly and persistently, for as long as it takes.

Even if it takes forever. Especially then.

Related: Today I Choose to be Committed – How to | Today I Choose to be Clear – How to be C | Today I Choose to be Curious – How to be