Today I Choose to be Unbound – How to be Unbound

August 21, 2025

I’ll never forget my “unbound” moment at 40. I ended a five-year relationship that had been dragging me down – full of drama, forgiveness on repeat, and constant self-doubt. A day later, I went to a Wayne Dyer event and realized I didn’t just need a new partner, I needed a new me.

I wrote two lists that night: what I wanted in my next relationship, and the qualities I’d need to cultivate to attract it. That was the first time I truly felt unbound – free from old patterns, open to healthier love. And it led me to Curtis, who’s been my steady, drama-free partner ever since.

That’s the essence of being unbound: letting go of what keeps you tethered to a smaller life. It’s scary, yes, but it’s also liberating – because the moment you cut the ropes, you realize how high you can rise.

The Invisible Ropes We Don’t See

Being unbound isn’t about reckless abandon or throwing responsibility to the wind. It’s about recognizing the invisible ropes we’ve tied ourselves with: old stories, inherited expectations, the dreaded “shoulds” that run our lives without permission.

For years, I was bound by the belief that I had to be the family peacekeeper. Every holiday, every gathering, I’d exhaust myself smoothing conflicts, managing personalities, making sure everyone was okay. It wasn’t until I was 55 that I realized: this wasn’t my job. I’d assigned it to myself based on some childhood programming that said my worth came from keeping everyone happy.

The day I stopped managing everyone else’s emotions was the day I became unbound from a role that was never mine to play.

The Stories That Keep Us Small

We all carry stories that bind us. Here are the ones I’ve had to untangle:

“Good women don’t rock the boat” – kept me quiet when I should have spoken
“Success means working yourself to exhaustion” – bound me to a pace that was killing my joy
“If you’re not worried, you don’t care” – tied my love to anxiety
“Starting over after 40 is foolish” – almost kept me from the best chapters of my life

Each of these beliefs felt like truth until I questioned them. That’s the thing about being bound – the ropes feel like safety until you realize they’re keeping you from moving.

The Cost of Staying Bound

Staying bound feels safer than breaking free. I know because I stayed in that five-year relationship two years longer than I should have. The drama was familiar. The disappointment was predictable. The small life we’d created together was suffocating but known.

But here’s what staying bound actually cost me:

My voice – I stopped expressing opinions that might cause conflict
My growth – I stayed small to avoid outgrowing the relationship
My joy – I accepted crumbs and called them enough
My time – Two years I could have been becoming who I am now

The cost of staying bound is always higher than the price of breaking free. It just gets charged in daily installments so small you don’t notice until you’re bankrupt.

How to Start Unbinding

Breaking free doesn’t require burning your life down. It starts with small acts of unbinding:

Question one “should” this week. That thing you do because you “should”? What happens if you don’t? Really think about it – will the world end, or will you just feel guilty for a day?

Say one true thing. In a safe conversation, say something you usually keep inside. Start small – your real opinion about the restaurant choice, your actual feeling about the plan.

Change one routine. Drive a different route. Shop at a different store. Eat lunch at a different time. Notice how even tiny changes can make you feel more free.

Write your own permission slip. Literally write yourself permission to rest, to change your mind, to not be perfect, to disappoint someone. Keep it in your wallet.

The Moment You Know You’re Ready

You know you’re ready to be unbound when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the fear of change. For me, it was sitting in my car after another dramatic fight, knowing that this wasn’t love – it was addiction to chaos.

That Wayne Dyer event the next day wasn’t coincidence. When you’re ready to be unbound, the universe conspires to show you the door. You just have to be brave enough to walk through it.

What Unbound Actually Looks Like

Being unbound doesn’t mean you have no commitments or connections. It means you choose them consciously instead of inheriting them by default. My life now is full of bonds – to Curtis, to my work, to my creativity – but they’re bonds I chose, not chains I inherited.

Unbound looks like:

Saying no without a elaborate excuse
Changing careers at 50 because the old one doesn’t fit
Letting adult children make their own mistakes
Admitting you were wrong without shame spiraling
Starting something new without needing guarantee of success

The Fear of Being Unbound

The biggest fear about becoming unbound? That you’ll float away, become selfish, lose everyone you love. But here’s what actually happened when I became unbound:

The relationships based on me being small? They fell away, and good riddance. The ones based on genuine connection? They got stronger. Curtis loves the unbound version of me – the one who speaks up, takes risks, doesn’t need him to complete her but chooses him daily.

Being unbound didn’t make me selfish. It made me generous from choice instead of obligation. There’s a world of difference.

Your Unbound Life Starts With One Cut

You don’t have to cut all the ropes at once. Start with one – the one that feels the heaviest, the most obviously outdated, the one you complain about most.

Maybe it’s the belief that you have to answer every text immediately. Maybe it’s the story that changing careers at your age is foolish. Maybe it’s the role of family fixer that you never auditioned for but somehow got cast in.

Cut one rope. See what happens. Notice how the world doesn’t end, how people adjust, how you start to breathe a little deeper.

Because being unbound isn’t about having no connections – it’s about choosing connections that let you grow instead of ones that keep you small. It’s about bonds that expand rather than bindings that constrict.

Twenty-one years after that night when I wrote those two lists, I can tell you: the view from an unbound life is worth every scary moment of cutting free. The ropes you’re holding? They’re not holding you up – they’re holding you back.

Today, what’s one rope you’re ready to question? You don’t have to cut it yet. Just look at it. Ask yourself: is this mine to carry, or is it time to let go?

Your unbound life is waiting on the other side of that question.