Today I Choose to be Interdependent – How to be Interdependent

For most of my life, I wore independence like a badge of honor. Even in my work, I preferred to do everything myself rather than delegate. I trusted my ability, I knew my standards, and honestly, it felt faster to just handle things on my own. What I didn’t realize at the time was that my independence was actually holding me back.

The shift came when my responsibilities grew too big for one person. I couldn’t be CFO, compliance officer, HR, and problem-solver all at once—not without breaking. I had to start leaning on my team, delegating and trusting them with the details I used to cling to. At first, it was uncomfortable. Letting go always is. But as I became more interdependent—sharing responsibility, leaning on their strengths, and giving them space to grow—something unexpected happened. I grew too. I was able to step into new responsibilities, think more strategically, and lead at a higher level, because I wasn’t drowning in the weeds anymore.

The Evolution from Independence to Interdependence

That’s the lesson of interdependence: it doesn’t diminish your strength, it multiplies it. Independence will get you far, but interdependence is what allows you to expand. It’s the difference between carrying the whole load alone and moving it forward together.

Interdependence isn’t dependence. It’s not weakness or inability. It’s the mature recognition that we’re stronger together, that collective capability exceeds individual capacity, and that trusting others doesn’t diminish your own competence—it amplifies it.

What Interdependence Actually Feels Like

In your body, interdependence feels like relief mixed with vulnerability. The relief comes from not carrying everything alone—your shoulders literally drop when you realize you have capable partners. The vulnerability comes from trusting others with things that matter to you.

It’s different from the brittle tension of fierce independence (“I have to do everything myself”) or the anxious collapse of dependence (“I can’t do this without you”). Interdependence has a flowing quality—sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow, sometimes you work side by side.

The Myths About Interdependence

Myth: Interdependence means you can’t do it yourself.
Truth: I could still do all those tasks myself if needed. Interdependence is choosing not to because there’s a better way.

Myth: It’s faster to do everything yourself.
Truth: Initially, maybe. But while I was saving five minutes by not explaining a task, I was losing hours stuck in operational details instead of strategic thinking.

Myth: Interdependence requires perfect trust.
Truth: Trust builds through practice. You start with small delegations and grow from there.

Myth: Strong people don’t need interdependence.
Truth: The strongest leaders know when to lean on others. It’s ego, not strength, that insists on doing everything alone.

The Hidden Costs of Refusing Interdependence

When I insisted on doing everything myself, here’s what it really cost:

Stunted Growth
I couldn’t take on new challenges because I was too busy managing every detail of current ones. My team couldn’t grow because I never gave them room to stretch.

Burnout Risk
Being CFO, compliance officer, and HR simultaneously wasn’t sustainable. I was one crisis away from complete overwhelm.

Limited Impact
One person, no matter how capable, has limits. By refusing interdependence, I was limiting what our entire organization could achieve.

Missed Innovation
When you do everything yourself, you only get your own ideas. My team had brilliant solutions I never would have thought of—once I gave them space to contribute.

Building Healthy Interdependence

Start Small
I didn’t hand over major responsibilities overnight. I started with small tasks, building trust both ways—them proving capability, me proving I wouldn’t micromanage.

Communicate Clearly
Interdependence requires excellent communication. What are the goals? What are the standards? What’s the timeline? Clear expectations prevent disappointment.

Allow Different Approaches
This was hard for me. Their way wasn’t my way, but if it achieved the goal, I had to let go of controlling the process.

Create Safety for Mistakes
Interdependence means sometimes things won’t go perfectly. Creating space for learning through mistakes is essential for real growth.

Celebrate Collective Wins
When the team succeeded, we all succeeded. Shifting from “I did this” to “we did this” reinforces interdependent culture.

Interdependence in Different Areas of Life

At Work
As I learned, professional interdependence isn’t about weakness—it’s about leveraging collective strengths. The best leaders know they need great teams.

In Marriage
With Curtis, interdependence means we each have our strengths. He handles certain things brilliantly; I handle others. We’re not two halves making a whole—we’re two wholes making something greater.

With Adult Children
Moving from parent-child to adult-adult relationships requires embracing interdependence. They help me with technology; I help them with life experience. We’re resources for each other.

In Friendship
The best friendships are interdependent. You’re there for each other’s crises and celebrations, each bringing different strengths to the relationship.

In Community
No one is self-sufficient. We need farmers, doctors, teachers, mechanics. Recognizing our interdependence makes us better community members.

The Difference Between Interdependence and Codependence

This distinction matters:

Interdependence:

• Two strong individuals choosing to support each other
• Maintaining individual identity while building connection
• Healthy boundaries with mutual support
• Growth-oriented for both parties
• Can function independently but choose togetherness

Codependence:

• Losing yourself in the other person
• Needing the other person to feel complete
• Blurred or absent boundaries
• Often enables dysfunction
• Cannot function without the other

The Professional Power of Interdependence

That shift at work taught me something profound: Leaders who try to do everything themselves stay managers. Leaders who embrace interdependence build empires.

When I finally started delegating:

• My team members developed new skills and confidence
• I had mental space for strategic thinking and innovation
• Our department became more resilient (not dependent on one person)
• Morale improved because people felt trusted and valued
• We achieved things that would have been impossible alone

Overcoming the Barriers to Interdependence

The Control Issue
“If you want something done right, do it yourself” was my mantra. I had to learn that “right” could look different and still be excellent.

The Trust Issue
Trusting others with important work felt risky. But not trusting them was riskier—it guaranteed we’d stay limited.

The Identity Issue
So much of my identity was wrapped up in being the person who could handle everything. I had to find new identity in being someone who could build and lead a capable team.

The Vulnerability Issue
Asking for help felt like admitting weakness. I had to reframe it as strategic wisdom.

Practical Steps to Build Interdependence

At Work:

• Identify tasks only you can do vs. tasks you prefer to do
• Train someone in one of your key responsibilities
• Ask team members about their strengths and interests
• Create systems that don’t depend on any single person

At Home:

• Share household responsibilities based on preferences and skills
• Ask for help before you’re desperate
• Let others do things their way (even if it’s not your way)
• Express appreciation for what others contribute

In Relationships:

• Share your struggles, not just your successes
• Ask others for their expertise and perspectives
• Offer your strengths without taking over
• Celebrate what you accomplish together

The Unexpected Gifts of Interdependence

Here’s what I didn’t expect when I finally embraced interdependence at work: It made me better at everything else too. Learning to trust my team taught me to trust Curtis more deeply. Seeing my team members grow gave me joy I never got from solo achievements. Watching collective success exceed individual capability changed how I see everything.

Now, at 61, I see interdependence as wisdom, not weakness. It’s knowing that the myth of the self-made person is exactly that—a myth. We all stand on shoulders, lean on support, build on foundations others laid.

When Interdependence Is Hard

Some days, I still want to just do it myself. When deadlines loom, when stakes are high, when someone drops the ball—the pull toward independence is strong. But I remember: That’s ego talking, not wisdom. The path forward isn’t backward.

Interdependence is harder than independence because it requires constant calibration, communication, and care for relationships. But it’s also richer, more sustainable, and ultimately more successful.

Today’s Choice

Today, choose interdependence in one area where you’ve been stubbornly independent. Maybe it’s finally delegating that task you’ve been hoarding. Maybe it’s asking for help with something you’ve been struggling with alone. Maybe it’s letting someone else take the lead while you support.

Remember: Interdependence isn’t about being unable to stand alone. It’s about choosing to stand together because you’ve learned that “we” can go places “I” never could.

That team I finally learned to trust? They didn’t just handle the tasks I delegated. They exceeded what I could have done alone. And in letting go of some control, I gained something better—the ability to lead at a level I never could have reached by myself.