Today I Choose to be Even – How to be Even

The Surprising Truth About How to Be Even

Everything you’ve been told about how to be even might be backwards. After years of trying the conventional approach, many women over 50, including myself while working from my home office, discover a different truth about being even. The traditional wisdom about maintaining balance, emotional equilibrium, and steady progress often fails to account for the unique challenges and wisdom we’ve accumulated over five decades of life.

Yesterday, while reviewing my calendar filled with competing demands, I realized that the conventional approach to evenness — trying to maintain perfect balance in all areas — was creating more stress than harmony. This revelation mirrors what many women in their 50s and beyond are discovering: true evenness comes not from rigid control but from strategic flexibility.

As Oliver Burkeman writes in The Antidote, “True security lies in the unrestrained embrace of insecurity — in the recognition that we never really stand on solid ground, and never can.” Embracing this truth allows us to release the pressure of perfect balance and instead find steadiness in adaptability. It reframes evenness as a dynamic dance, not a fixed formula.

Why Traditional Advice on Being Even Falls Short

The standard guidance about how to be even typically centers around maintaining strict routines, equal time allocation, and unwavering consistency. However, for women over 50, this advice often proves counterproductive. We’re juggling adult children’s needs, aging parents, career transitions, and our own evolving priorities – scenarios that demand a more nuanced approach.

Traditional advice fails to consider the physiological changes women experience post-50. Hormonal fluctuations, changing energy levels, and evolving sleep patterns mean that rigid schedules and inflexible approaches to being even often create more frustration than balance. As Dr. Christiane Northrup notes in “Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom,” our bodies naturally seek different rhythms as we age, making conventional balance strategies obsolete.

Moreover, the standard approach ignores the emotional intelligence and life experience we’ve accumulated. A friend recently called me in tears, wondering if she was “failing” at maintaining evenness because she couldn’t sustain the same workout routine she’d followed in her 40s. This perfectly illustrates how traditional metrics of balance can undermine our confidence rather than enhance it.

The Counterintuitive Path to Being Even

Research from the University of Michigan suggests that women over 50 actually achieve better life satisfaction when they embrace “selective optimization” rather than trying to maintain evenness across all areas. This means strategically choosing where to focus our energy rather than spreading ourselves thin in pursuit of perfect balance.

The path to becoming even in our 50s often involves purposeful imbalance. For instance, during my recent book project, I deliberately scaled back social commitments and household perfectionism to focus on writing. This temporary “unevenness” actually led to greater overall satisfaction and achievement.

Studies show that women who adopt this fluid approach to balance report 43% higher life satisfaction compared to those who stick to rigid balancing acts. It’s about working with our natural rhythms rather than against them.

Unconventional Strategies for How to Be Even

Do the Opposite

Instead of trying to maintain constant evenness, experiment with intentional periods of intensity followed by recovery. For example, dedicate three months to launching a new project or learning a skill, then allow yourself a month of lighter commitments. This approach honors our natural energy cycles and actually creates more sustainable balance over time.

Many women in our age group find success by “batching” their activities – clustering similar tasks or commitments together rather than trying to spread everything evenly across each day or week. One colleague transformed her consulting practice by scheduling all client meetings in two focused days, leaving the rest of her week for deep work and personal time.

Question Everything About Even

Challenge the very definition of what being even means at this stage of life. Does it serve you to maintain the same social calendar you had a decade ago? Should household tasks receive the same priority they once did? Many women discover that reducing commitments in some areas actually increases their sense of overall balance.

Create your own metrics for evenness. Rather than measuring balance by external standards, develop personal indicators that reflect your current values and energy levels. This might mean prioritizing quality over quantity in relationships, or choosing depth over breadth in activities.

Embrace the Paradox

The most effective path to evenness often involves embracing apparent contradictions. Some days might require intense focus on work, while others call for complete disengagement. This ebb and flow creates a more natural and sustainable form of balance than trying to maintain constant equilibrium.

Consider the concept of “productive imbalance” – strategically choosing areas where unevenness serves a greater purpose. For instance, spending more time on health and wellness now might create better balance in other areas later.

Real Women Share Their Even Breakthroughs

Sarah, 56, discovered that abandoning her rigid exercise schedule in favor of intuitive movement actually improved both her fitness and overall life satisfaction. “I stopped forcing myself to do morning workouts when my body was crying for rest, and instead learned to move when I felt energized. Surprisingly, this led to more consistent activity and better results.”

Patricia, 62, transformed her approach to family obligations after realizing that being “evenly available” to everyone was depleting her. She implemented boundaries around her time and energy, resulting in more meaningful connections and improved personal well-being. “I thought being a good mother and grandmother meant always being available, but setting limits has made me more present when I am with family.”

Your Permission to Be Even Differently

As we navigate our 50s and beyond, we have earned the right to redefine what being even means for us. The most effective approach to how to be even often looks nothing like the balanced life we imagined in our younger years. Instead, it’s a dynamic, flowing state that honors our wisdom, respects our changing needs, and celebrates our ability to choose what truly matters.

Remember, the goal isn’t perfect equilibrium but rather a sustainable rhythm that supports your well-being and priorities. Give yourself permission to experiment, adjust, and find your unique path to evenness. After all, we’ve spent decades learning what works for us – now is the time to put that wisdom into practice.