Today I Choose to be Cherishing – How to be Cherishing

Cherishing isn’t the same as clinging. I learned that in the hospital with Curtis.

After weeks of watching him fight through complications, tubes, and sleepless nights, I found myself gripping every moment too tightly—like if I paid attention hard enough, I could somehow control the outcome. The tighter I held, the more exhausted and brittle I felt.

One evening, I shifted. Instead of worrying about tomorrow, I focused on this moment—the sound of his breathing steady beside me, the warmth of his hand in mine. I stopped trying to hold on so tightly and simply let myself cherish what was. And suddenly, my chest loosened. My heart softened. Cherishing felt like a quiet swell of gratitude, not a frantic scramble to keep what could be lost.

In that moment, I realized cherishing isn’t about gripping the sand—it’s about opening your hand and letting it rest there lightly, knowing that love is most alive when it’s honored, not controlled.

The Difference Between Cherishing and Clinging

That’s the power of cherishing—it brings you back to presence. Instead of rushing past what matters or trying to hold it so tightly it slips away, you slow down enough to let love, connection, and gratitude sink in. Cherishing is less about possession and more about attention.

When we cling, we’re operating from fear. We’re so afraid of loss that we squeeze the life out of the very thing we’re trying to protect. Our bodies tense up, our breathing gets shallow, and ironically, we can’t even truly experience what we’re desperately trying to hold onto.

But cherishing? That’s love with open hands. It’s appreciating without owning, honoring without controlling, loving without suffocating.

What Cherishing Actually Feels Like

In your body, cherishing feels like a gentle expansion in your chest—not the tight, anxious grip of clinging, but a soft opening. Your shoulders drop. Your breathing deepens. There’s a warmth that spreads from your heart outward, like sunlight through a window.

It’s the difference between holding a butterfly in a closed fist (where it will die) and letting it rest on your open palm (where it might stay or go, but remains alive either way).

You know you’re cherishing rather than clinging when:

• You can enjoy the moment without needing to document it
• You feel grateful rather than anxious
• Your body feels soft rather than tense
• You’re present with what is rather than worried about what might be
• You can let things be themselves rather than what you need them to be

How to Practice Cherishing (Without Clinging)

Notice Without Narrating
When you’re with someone you love, practice just being present without creating a running commentary in your head. Notice the small things—the way they laugh, how they hold their coffee cup, the particular tilt of their head when they’re thinking. Don’t try to memorize it; just witness it.

Touch Lightly
Whether it’s physical touch or emotional connection, practice the lightest possible touch that still maintains contact. Think of it like skimming your fingers across water—present but not pressing.

Practice the “This Moment” Meditation
When you catch yourself gripping too tightly (to a person, a situation, an outcome), pause and say: “In this moment, right now, everything is okay.” Because usually, it is. The terror comes from projecting forward or backward, not from right now.

Create Rituals of Appreciation
Rather than trying to hold onto everything, create specific moments for cherishing. Maybe it’s how you say goodbye in the morning, or a gratitude practice before bed. Having designated cherishing moments means you don’t have to grip all day long.

The Paradox of Cherishing

Here’s what I’ve learned after 61 years and that terrifying month in the hospital: The things we cherish most are the things we must hold most lightly. Our children, our partners, our health, our dreams—they all flourish when we appreciate them without trying to control them.

This doesn’t mean we care less. If anything, we care more deeply. But we care with wisdom instead of desperation, with presence instead of panic, with gratitude instead of grasping.

When Cherishing Gets Complicated

Let’s be honest—cherishing is harder with:

Adult children who are making choices you wouldn’t make. You want to grip the steering wheel of their lives, but cherishing means honoring their journey, even when it scares you.

Aging parents whose independence is slipping. The urge to control everything for their safety battles with cherishing who they still are and what autonomy they have left.

A marriage that’s evolved over decades. Cherishing your partner means seeing who they are now, not clinging to who they were at 30.

Your own changing body and abilities. Can you cherish what your body CAN do instead of clinging to what it used to do?

The Daily Practice

Today, practice cherishing one thing without trying to hold it. Maybe it’s your morning coffee—really taste it without needing it to last forever. Maybe it’s a conversation with a friend—be fully present without trying to steer it. Maybe it’s an hour of sunlight—enjoy it without photographing it.

Notice how different this feels from your usual mode. Notice where your body wants to tense up and grip. Notice how much more you actually experience when you’re cherishing rather than clinging.

The Gift of Open Hands

That night in the hospital, when I finally stopped clinging and started cherishing, something shifted. Not just in me, but between Curtis and me. There was more space for love to flow when I wasn’t desperately trying to dam it up and control it.

He could feel the difference too. “You’re here,” he said, squeezing my hand gently. And I was—fully, completely, without the exhausting effort of trying to control what couldn’t be controlled.

That’s the gift of cherishing with open hands: You get to actually experience what you have while you have it, instead of being so busy trying to keep it that you miss it entirely.

What will you cherish today—really cherish, with presence instead of panic, with gratitude instead of grasping? The choice, as always, is yours.