The coffee was still brewing when my phone rang at 6:23 AM on that Tuesday in October. Curtis was supposed to be home from his procedure by now, but instead, the surgeon’s voice was explaining complications, emergency surgery, and words that made my hands shake so hard I nearly dropped my favorite mugâthe one Tyler made me in his high school ceramics class.
Standing there in my kitchen, still in my pajamas with my Dutch pour paintings scattered on the counter from the night before, I had a choice. I could crumble (which felt very tempting), or I could choose to be brave. Not movie-hero brave. Just… Tuesday-morning-crisis brave.
That’s when I realized something profound about courage that I wish someone had told me decades ago.
The “Aha” Moment About Real Bravery
For sixty years, I thought being brave meant not being scared. What a load of nonsense that turned out to be.
Sitting in that hospital waiting room, surrounded by other people in various stages of worry and hope, I watched an elderly woman comfort a younger man who was clearly her son. Her hands were shakingâI could see that from across the roomâbut her voice was steady. She was terrified AND brave at the same time.
That’s when it hit me like a lightning bolt: Brave doesn’t mean fearless. Brave means feeling the fear and choosing your response anyway.
Story Bank Note: This draws from the Curtis hospital experience (October 2024) but could be adapted to any crisis moment – job loss, health scare, family conflict, financial stress.
I’d been waiting my whole life to feel ready to be brave. Turns out, that’s not how courage works. Courage isn’t a feelingâit’s a decision.
Why This Matters More After 50
Here’s what nobody tells you about being a woman over 50: the world starts treating you like you’re fragile just when you’re finally figuring out how strong you really are.
People expect us to play it safe, avoid risks, “act our age.” (Whatever that meansâI’m still figuring out what 60 is supposed to look like, and frankly, I’m making it up as I go.)
But here’s the beautiful truth: we have so much less to lose now and so much more permission to be authentically ourselves. Our kids are grown (mostly… Tyler’s still figuring out his next chapter from our guest room, bless his heart). Our careers are established. We’ve survived enough plot twists to know we’re more resilient than we thought.
If not now, when? If not us, who?
The Practical Brave-Building Toolkit
After that hospital day, I started paying attention to how courage actually works in real life. Here’s what I’ve learned:
1. Start with Tuesday-Sized Brave
You don’t need to quit your job or climb Everest. Try speaking up in your next meeting. Wear the dress you love but thought was “too much.” Call the friend you’ve been meaning to reconnect with. Brave comes in all sizes, and Tuesday-sized is perfect.
2. Name Your Fear Out Loud
I started saying things like, “I’m scared Curtis won’t be okay, AND I’m going to handle whatever comes.” The “AND” is crucial. It’s not “but”âit’s “AND.” Both things can be true.
3. Collect Evidence of Your Courage
Make a list of hard things you’ve already survived. Moving away from home. Childbirth. Divorce. Job changes. Losses. Raising teenagers (honestly, that one alone proves you’re basically invincible). You’ve been brave before. You can be brave again.
4. Find Your 5 AM Practice
For me, it’s those quiet moments before the world wakes up, working on my Dutch pour paintings or writing. It’s when I practice being myself without an audience. What makes you feel most like… you? Do more of that.
5. Phone a Friend (Really)
The morning of Curtis’s surgery, I called my mother-in-law Marjorieâshe’s basically a goddess wrapped in human form. Sometimes brave means admitting you need backup. Your people want to help you be brave. Let them.
6. Embrace the “Yet”
Instead of “I can’t handle this,” try “I can’t handle this yet.” That little word changes everything. It implies you’re learning, growing, becoming. Which you are.
7. Define Your Own Version
Maybe your brave looks like finally learning to use technology instead of asking Tyler to fix everything. Maybe it’s setting boundaries with family members. Maybe it’s starting the creative project you’ve been putting off. Your brave doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s.
What Tony Robbins Got Right (And What He Missed)
“The quality of your life is the quality of your emotions.”- Tony Robbins, Awaken the Giant Within
Tony’s right that our emotions shape our experience, but here’s what he didn’t emphasize enough: you don’t have to wait to feel brave to act brave. The feeling follows the action, not the other way around.
I didn’t feel brave sitting in that hospital waiting room. I felt scared and scattered and slightly nauseous. But I chose brave anyway. I asked the right questions. I advocated for Curtis. I organized the family updates. The feeling of courage came later, looking back.
The Unexpected Truth About Courage
Here’s the part that surprised me most: choosing to be brave doesn’t just change how you handle big crises. It changes how you move through ordinary days.
When you practice small brave choicesâspeaking your mind, trying new things, being authentically yourselfâyou build what I call “courage muscle memory.” Your default response shifts from “I can’t” to “I’ll figure it out.”
And here’s the really unexpected part: other people notice. They start asking for your advice. They comment on how different you seem. They want to know your secret.
The secret is simple: I stopped waiting to feel ready and started choosing brave anyway.
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Your Turn: Choose Brave Today
I’m not going to ask you to do anything dramatic. I’m just going to ask you to notice the next moment when you have a choice between safe and brave.
Maybe it’s speaking up about something that matters to you. Maybe it’s wearing something that makes you feel confident. Maybe it’s starting that conversation you’ve been avoiding.
The beautiful thing about choosing brave is that you don’t have to sustain it all day. You just have to choose it in one moment. Then the next moment, you get to choose again.
What’s one brave choice you could make today? Not tomorrow, not when you feel readyâtoday.
Because here’s what I know for sure: we’re not fading, we’re refining. And refined women? We’re brave by default.
The Science Behind Choosing Courage
Here’s something fascinating I learned while researching this (because yes, I’m the kind of person who researches courage at 2 AM): neuroscientists have discovered that brave behavior actually rewires your brain.
Every time you choose brave over comfortable, you strengthen what researchers call your “courage circuits.” Dr. Ruth Buczynski’s research shows that the prefrontal cortexâthe part of your brain responsible for decision-makingâgets better at overriding fear-based responses the more you practice.
Translation? The more you act brave, the braver you actually become. It’s not just feel-good psychologyâit’s literal brain science.
This hit me like a lightning bolt because it means all those times I felt like I was “faking it till I made it,” I was actually building courage infrastructure in my brain. Every small brave choice was an investment in future me.
What Courage Looks Like at 60 (Spoiler: Not What You Think)
I used to think courage looked like dramatic movie momentsâjumping out of planes, standing up to bullies, making grand speeches. Turns out, that’s action-movie courage, not real-life courage.
Real courage at our age looks like:
Finally saying no to the family gathering that drains you for weeks. Learning technology instead of always asking for help (Tyler’s patience has limits, bless him). Wearing the outfit that makes you feel amazing, even if it’s “not age-appropriate” according to some invisible rule book.
It’s starting the conversation you’ve been avoiding with your adult children. Setting boundaries with people who take advantage of your helpfulness. Pursuing the interest you gave up when life got complicated.
For me, it was admitting that working 12-hour days as a CFO for 18 companies was slowly killing my soul, even though I was good at it. It was saying, “I want to help women my age rediscover who they are beyond their roles as mothers and wives and workers.”
Revolutionary? Maybe not. Brave for me? Absolutely.
The Permission Slip You’ve Been Waiting For
Here’s what I wish someone had told me at 40: you don’t need anyone’s permission to be brave. Not your spouse’s, not your children’s, not society’s.
You’ve earned the right to take up space. You’ve paid your dues caring for everyone else. You’ve proven your competence, your reliability, your worth. Now you get to prove your courage.
The world will try to convince you that your brave years are behind you. That’s nonsense. Our brave years are just beginning.
We have less time left, which makes us bolder. We have fewer people to please, which makes us freer. We have more wisdom, which makes us smarter about our choices.
If that’s not a setup for courage, I don’t know what is.
When Brave Feels Impossible
Let’s be honestâsome days, brave feels about as realistic as flapping your arms and flying to the moon. On those days, I give you permission to choose “brave enough.”
Brave enough to get out of bed. Brave enough to make the phone call. Brave enough to have the conversation. Brave enough to take the first tiny step.
During Curtis’s recovery, there were days when “brave” meant making medical decisions I didn’t feel qualified to make. Other days, “brave” meant asking for help with things I usually handled myself. Some days, “brave” was simply believing he was going to be okay when everything felt uncertain.
Your brave doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. It just has to be yours.
The Ripple Effect of One Brave Choice
Here’s what nobody tells you about choosing brave: it’s contagious.
When you start making brave choices, the people around you notice. Your adult children see you standing up for yourself and learn to do the same. Your friends watch you try new things and get inspired to step out of their comfort zones. Your partner sees you honoring your own needs and starts doing the same.
Six months after I started Enlightenzz (my brave choice), my daughter-in-law Amy mentioned she was thinking about going back to school. Jesse started talking about changing careers. Even Tyler, who was stuck in post-graduation limbo, began exploring opportunities he’d been too scared to pursue.
One person’s courage gives everyone else permission to be brave too.
Your Daily Brave Practice
Since that October morning in the hospital, I’ve developed what I call a “daily brave practice.” Nothing dramaticâjust small choices that keep my courage muscle strong.
Some days it’s speaking up in a meeting. Other days it’s trying a new recipe (because yes, making pad thai from scratch counts as brave when you’ve been making the same twelve meals for decades). Sometimes it’s reaching out to someone I miss but haven’t talked to in years.
The goal isn’t to be fearless. The goal is to be in relationship with your fearâto acknowledge it, thank it for trying to keep you safe, and then make your choice anyway.
Because here’s the truth about fear: it’s usually louder than it is accurate. Most of the things we’re afraid of never happen. And the ones that do? We handle them better than we thought we could.
A Final Thought on Timing
If you’re waiting for the perfect moment to be brave, I have news for you: it’s never going to feel like the right time. Brave choices rarely come with clear skies and full confidence.
They come with morning coffee and uncertainty. They come with regular Tuesday energy and a long to-do list. They come when you’re tired and overwhelmed and feeling decidedly unheroic.
The magic happens anyway.
