Today I Choose to be Adoring – How to be Adoring

How to Be Adoring After 50: A Woman’s Guide to Expressing Love and Affection

Learning how to be adoring doesn’t stop at any age, and for women over 50, it can become an even more enriching journey of self-expression and connection. This morning, while watching Curtis work with his ostomy bag before breakfast, I found myself overwhelmed with a fierce tenderness that would have terrified my younger self. Where many would wallow in self-pity over such circumstances, Curtis has risen to the occasion with remarkable strength and resilience. I actually stopped mid-task, walked over, and told him how extraordinary I found him – how proud I was of his courage in facing this challenge.

This is what being adoring means at 60. It’s not the butterflies and poetry of youth, but the profound intimacy of witnessing someone you love navigate their body’s betrayals with grace, and finding them more beautiful because of it, not despite it.

Understanding What It Means to Be Adoring in Our Golden Years

The art of being adoring evolves as we age, incorporating our life experiences and deeper understanding of love. For women over 50, showing affection often means celebrating the small moments and appreciating the depth of our connections. My husband pointed out something I’d never noticed: that my way of being adoring had naturally shifted from grand gestures to more meaningful, subtle expressions of love.

Research shows that women in their 50s and beyond often report more satisfying relationships when they actively practice affectionate behavior. This includes both verbal and non-verbal expressions of adoration, which become more nuanced with age. As relationship expert Dr. John Gottman notes, “The small moments of connection are actually the building blocks of relationship satisfaction.”

How to Be Adoring While Navigating Life’s Changes

Many of us juggling retirement planning, adult children, and caregiving responsibilities might find it challenging to focus on being adoring. Yet these very complexities create unexpected opportunities for expressing affection in ways that ripple outward.

Last week, during a Teams meeting with my assistant Jenny, who works remotely from the Philippines, her 4-year-old daughter wandered into view. Jenny immediately tensed, embarrassed and apologetic, but I saw a golden opportunity. I welcomed her little one into our meeting with genuine delight.

We spent the next few minutes discussing her drawings, admiring her toy laptop, praising her “beautiful doll” and marveling at her penmanship. The child bloomed under the attention, Jenny’s shoulders visibly relaxed, and I felt pure, unmitigated joy wash over me.

Before we ended, I looked directly at this little girl and said, “Your Mommy is very, very smart and very good at her job.” Then I told them both how proud I was of Jenny for conducting interviews the day before that had pushed her far outside her comfort zone – interviews she had absolutely crushed.

Being adoring at 60 means recognizing these moments as gifts, not interruptions.

Consider these strategies for becoming adoring in your mature years:

1. Practice Mindful Appreciation
– Start each day by noting three qualities you adore about your partner
– Express gratitude for specific actions, not just general traits
– Share these observations during daily activities

2. Embrace Physical Affection
– Hold hands during walks (studies show this reduces stress hormones)
– Offer gentle touches throughout the day
– Create new physical connection rituals that suit your current lifestyle

Practical Ways to Be More Adoring in Daily Life

Learning how to be adoring in our 50s and beyond requires adapting to our changing circumstances. For instance, when energy levels might not be what they once were, we can focus on quality over quantity in our expressions of affection. Here are specific approaches:

Morning Rituals:
– Leave loving notes in unexpected places
– Prepare favorite breakfast items
– Share a few minutes of quiet connection before the day begins

Evening Connections:
– Create technology-free zones for undistracted attention
– Share daily highlights and challenges
– Practice active listening without trying to solve problems

Overcoming Barriers to Being Adoring

Sometimes physical changes, health challenges, or life transitions can make it harder to maintain an adoring attitude. The key is adapting our expressions of love to our current circumstances. When arthritis made it difficult for me to give my traditional back rubs, I found new ways to show physical affection through gentle arm touches and facial caresses.

Common barriers and solutions include:

Health Changes:
– Modify physical expressions of affection to match energy levels
– Use words more when physical demonstrations are challenging
– Find new ways to show care through practical support

Time Constraints:
– Schedule brief but meaningful connection moments
– Combine activities with expressions of affection
– Use technology thoughtfully to stay connected

Growing in Your Capacity for Adoration

Author Gail Sheehy writes in “New Passages,” “The years after 50 can be a time of unprecedented growth in our capacity for love.” This insight reminds us that learning how to be adoring is an ongoing journey. Consider these growth strategies:

Personal Development:
– Read books about love and relationships at mature ages
– Attend workshops or counseling sessions focused on connection
– Share experiences with other women in similar life stages

Relationship Enhancement:
– Schedule regular check-ins about emotional needs
– Discuss and update how you both prefer to receive affection
– Create new traditions that celebrate your evolving relationship

Maintaining Authenticity While Being Adoring

The key to sustainable expressions of adoration is authenticity. At our age, we’ve earned the right to be genuine in our affection. This means:

– Expressing love in ways that feel natural to us
– Being honest about our needs and limitations
– Celebrating our unique relationship dynamics

Remember, being adoring after 50 isn’t about mimicking younger couples or following prescribed rules. It’s about finding our own authentic ways to show love and appreciation, drawing from our rich life experience and deeper understanding of what truly matters in relationships.

By focusing on these aspects of how to be adoring, we can create more meaningful connections in our mature years, enriching our relationships with the wisdom and authenticity that comes with age. The journey of becoming adoring continues to evolve, offering new opportunities for growth and connection at every stage of life.