Today I Choose to be Leisurely: Why Hot Yoga Is Neither Hot Nor Yoga

Everything you’ve been told about how to be leisurely might be backwards. Take hot yoga, for instance. You do yoga in 105 degrees. Sweat pours off you. You can barely breathe. You’re completely exhausted.

You know what you’re not? Relaxed.

I know this because I tried it twice. Learning how to be leisurely is an art I’m still trying to master.

(Yes, I went back thinking maybe I’d missed something. Spoiler: I hadn’t. Unless what I missed was “This is terrible, run!”)

The Spa Day Lie

While we’re debunking leisure myths, let’s talk about spa days. They’re actually annoying. An entire day of disrobing, robing, disrobing, robing is not relaxing. By the time you’ve changed for the fifteenth time and been poked, prodded, and judged by a begrudging masseuse, you could have done something actually enjoyable.

Like work. Yes, I said it.

When Spreadsheets Are More Relaxing Than Spas

Here’s my contrarian truth: I find leisure IN my work. When I’m in the zone with tasks I’ve done so long I could do them with my eyes closed, there’s something about the certainty and confidence that feels leisurely. Creative writing? I could go for hours. It’s my version of meditation, except I actually enjoy it and something useful comes out of it.

Most people are horrified when I tell them this. “You don’t know how to relax!” they cry.

Maybe they’re right. But it works for me.

The Truth About My “Relaxing” Vacations

Speaking of not knowing how to relax, let me share my vacation planning skills. Last year: three weeks to Acadia National Park from Clearwater, Florida. Via Savannah, High Point, Shenandoah Valley, Newburgh NY, Portland, Acadia, Boston, Newburgh again, Hershey, Luray, Rocky Mount, and back through Savannah.

4000+ miles in 21 days.

I came back not only exhausted but sick for a week.

The year before? A week in North Georgia that included seven different waterfall hikes, the Chattanooga Aquarium, Helen GA, and Rock City. Came home exhausted from that too.

My family now gently says, “We don’t have to plan everything out, Mom.” They know what they’re signing up for when I plan trips.

Instagram Chickens vs. Reality Chickens

Want to know what else isn’t leisurely? Backyard chickens. Instagram shows happy fluffy butts, cute and adorable and amusing. They don’t show the flies buzzing everywhere (apparently chicken poop is their idea of nirvana). They definitely don’t show the nightly visitors – rats and mice who love chicken feed as much as chickens do.

Are chickens leisure or chore? Both! If I knew then what I know now… Let’s just say “fluffy butts” come with a price.

My Actual Leisurely Moments

You want to know when I actually feel leisurely? Sitting in a camp chair by our RV on a warm (but not hot) day, reading a book with my feet up and Roo next to me. Out on the boat. Hiking. Even driving through scenery.

Notice what these have in common? They’re not trying to be leisurely. They just are.

Your Permission to Leisure Wrong

Here’s what I’d tell anyone stressed about not relaxing “properly”: You’ll know true relaxation when you find it. It doesn’t have to include mint tea and a begrudging masseuse.

Your leisure might be:

• Working on something you’ve mastered
• Planning elaborate exhaustion vacations
• Writing for hours
• Organizing spreadsheets
• Watching chickens (and rats)
• Driving 4000 miles in three weeks

Do I feel guilty that my version of leisure doesn’t match the magazine version? Not even remotely.

The New Rules of Leisure After 50

Rule 1: If It Feels Like Work, It’s Not Leisure Hot yoga is work. Spa days are work. Forced meditation is work.

Rule 2: Productive Can Be Peaceful If spreadsheets relax you, spreadsheet away. If writing is your zen, write.

Rule 3: Moving Can Be More Restful Than Sitting Sometimes a 7-waterfall hike is more rejuvenating than a beach chair.

Rule 4: Ignore the Leisure Police People who tell you “you don’t know how to relax” probably aren’t very relaxed themselves.

Rule 5: Embrace Your Weird If your leisure looks like work and your vacations look like boot camp, own it.

The Bottom Line on Being Leisurely

True leisure isn’t about what you do – it’s about how it makes you feel. If hot yoga makes you feel like you’re dying, that’s not leisure. If Excel makes you feel peaceful, that’s leisure.

After 50, we’ve earned the right to define relaxation for ourselves. Maybe your leisure involves 4000-mile road trips. Maybe it’s creating elaborate presentations. Maybe it’s feeding chickens while dodging rats.

The point is: stop trying to relax the way magazines tell you to. Start noticing what actually makes you feel restored, even if it horrifies the spa day crowd.

Especially if it horrifies the spa day crowd.

Because somewhere out there is a woman forcing herself through hot yoga, thinking something’s wrong with her for hating every sweaty minute. To her I say: Come sit by my RV with a book. Or help me plan a 5000-mile vacation. Or just admit that sometimes work is more relaxing than relaxation.

At least you won’t have to disrobe and robe fifteen times.

Join our community of women who find leisure in unlikely places. Share your most “wrong” relaxation technique or your most exhausting vacation below. Bonus points if you’ve also been told you don’t know how to relax.

P.S. To everyone suffering through hot yoga right now: The exit is closer than you think. Use it.