When the Ocean Has Other Plans

It was 4 AM on a Saturday, and Curtis was practically vibrating with excitement about our deep sea fishing adventure. He’d been checking weather apps obsessively for three days, monitoring wind speeds and wave heights like a meteorologist preparing for the storm of the century. “The seas are perfect,” he announced confidently, showing me his phone screen one more time. “0-2 feet. It’s going to be incredible!”

I should have known right then that Curtis and I have very different definitions of “perfect weather.”

Fifty miles out in our 25-foot SeaHunt, I discovered Curtis has a remarkably creative interpretation of “0-2 feet.” Waves were crashing over the bow like we were starring in some maritime action movie nobody asked to be in. The boat lurched and pitched with each swell, sending tackle boxes sliding across the deck and making me question every life choice that had led to this moment.

For two solid hours, I got bounced around like a pinball in the boat’s cabin. Every muscle in my body ached, my knuckles were white from gripping whatever I could find, and I was pretty sure this wasn’t what “thrilled” was supposed to feel like. I kept waiting for the magical moment when I’d suddenly feel the rush of adventure Curtis had promised.

It never came. At least, not the way I expected it to.

But here’s what I learned that day about how to be thrilled: sometimes we try so hard to manufacture the feeling that we miss the genuine moments of wonder right in front of us.

The Manufactured Excitement Trap

There I was, determinedly trying to feel thrilled about an experience that was making me genuinely miserable. I’d convinced myself that I should be loving every minute of our adventure because, well, it was supposed to be thrilling. Deep sea fishing! Adventure! Quality time with my husband! What wasn’t to love?

Everything, as it turned out. But my stubborn insistence on feeling the “right” way about the experience was blocking me from noticing what was actually happening around me.

Meanwhile, Curtis was having the time of his life. He was genuinely thrilled by every fish we caught, every wave that sent us temporarily airborne, and every moment we spent together on the water. He wasn’t forcing it or trying to convince himself of anything. He was simply present to what was actually happening, finding authentic excitement in the reality of our adventure.

This is the fundamental difference between manufactured excitement and genuine thrilledness. One is performance; the other is presence.

The Science Behind Authentic Thrill

Research from positive psychology reveals that authentic excitement and thrill come from alignment between our values and our experiences, not from trying to feel a certain way about predetermined activities. Dr. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s groundbreaking work on flow states shows that genuine thrilledness often emerges when we’re fully engaged with something challenging yet manageable – what he calls the sweet spot between boredom and anxiety.

But here’s the catch: that sweet spot is different for everyone. What thrills one person might bore another to tears or send them into a panic. Curtis found his flow state getting tossed around by waves and fighting fish. I found mine later that day, sitting quietly on the dock, watching the sunset paint the sky in impossible colors while sharing stories about our completely different experiences of the same adventure.

Dr. Barbara Fredrickson’s research on positive emotions reveals that thrilledness – like other positive emotions – broadens our awareness and builds psychological resources. But only when it’s authentic. Forced excitement actually has the opposite effect, narrowing our focus and depleting our energy.

The Physiology of Real vs. Fake Excitement

True thrill has a distinct physical signature. Your heart rate increases, but in a sustainable way. You feel energized rather than drained. There’s often a sense of time distortion – minutes can feel like hours or hours like minutes. Your attention becomes laser-focused on the present moment.

Manufactured excitement, on the other hand, feels effortful. You’re constantly checking in with yourself: “Am I having fun yet? Should I be more excited? Why aren’t I feeling what I’m supposed to be feeling?” The physical sensations are different too – more tension than energy, more anxiety than anticipation.

Learning to recognize these differences in your body is crucial for understanding how to be thrilled authentically. Your nervous system knows the difference between genuine and forced excitement, even when your mind is trying to convince you otherwise.

Breaking Free from Expectation Prison

One of the biggest barriers to experiencing authentic thrill is what I call “expectation prison” – the mental jail we create when we decide in advance how something should make us feel. We build elaborate scenarios in our heads about how an experience will unfold, complete with the emotions we expect to have at each stage.

The problem is that reality rarely cooperates with our scripts. And when it doesn’t, we have two choices: we can fight reality by trying to force the feelings we think we should have, or we can surrender to what’s actually happening and discover what genuine excitement might emerge.

That fishing trip taught me that expectation prison is particularly insidious because it masquerades as positivity. “I should be thrilled by this!” feels like a optimistic thought. But it’s actually a limitation, a way of closing ourselves off from authentic experience.

How to Cultivate Authentic Thrill

Start with Curiosity, Not Certainty Instead of deciding in advance what should excite you, approach experiences with genuine curiosity about what might emerge. Ask yourself: “What could I discover here?” rather than “How can I make myself feel thrilled about this?”

Pay Attention to Your Body’s Wisdom Your body is constantly giving you information about what genuinely energizes you versus what drains you. Learn to trust these physical cues rather than overriding them with mental shoulds. Real thrill feels expansive in your chest, energizing in your limbs, and sustainable in your nervous system.

Notice What Actually Lights You Up Sometimes we’re genuinely thrilled by things that surprise us completely. Maybe it’s not the planned activity but the unexpected conversation with a fellow adventurer. Maybe it’s not the destination but the journey itself, or the quiet moment of reflection afterward.

Embrace the Full Spectrum of Experience Some of our most memorable thrilled moments come from experiences that challenge us in unexpected ways. Discomfort and wonder can coexist. Frustration and excitement can dance together. You don’t have to love every moment to find genuine thrill in the overall experience.

Practice Present-Moment Awareness Thrilledness is fundamentally a present-moment experience. You can’t manufacture it by thinking about how exciting something should be, and you can’t sustain it by reliving past thrills. It emerges when you’re fully engaged with what’s happening right now.

The Unexpected Places Thrill Lives

Here’s what nobody tells you about how to be thrilled: it often shows up in the most unlikely places. The fishing trip that nearly made me seasick also gave me one of my most treasured memories – not because of the fishing, but because of the moment when Curtis and I looked at each other after a particularly violent wave and burst into laughter at the absurdity of our situation.

That laughter was pure thrill. Unplanned, unforced, and completely authentic.

I’ve since discovered thrill in places I never expected: in the focused concentration required to learn a new skill, in the vulnerable intimacy of a deep conversation, in the simple pleasure of creating something with my hands. None of these experiences would have made my original “things that should thrill me” list, but they’ve become some of my most reliable sources of genuine excitement.

The Practice of Choosing Thrilledness

When I think back to that bouncy fishing trip, I realize Curtis was choosing to be thrilled by staying present to what was actually happening rather than what he wished was happening. He found genuine excitement in the reality of our adventure – rough seas and all.

This is what it means to choose thrilledness: not forcing yourself to feel excited about things that don’t genuinely move you, but staying open to the unexpected moments of wonder that are always available when we pay attention.

It’s a practice of presence, curiosity, and trust. Trust in your body’s wisdom about what truly energizes you. Trust in the possibility that thrill might show up differently than you expected. Trust that you don’t have to perform excitement to experience it.

Moving Forward with Authentic Excitement

How to be thrilled isn’t about hyping yourself up for predetermined experiences or convincing yourself you’re having more fun than you actually are. It’s about creating space for genuine wonder to emerge, even in the most unexpected circumstances.

It’s about recognizing that thrill is not a feeling you can manufacture but a state you can cultivate through presence, openness, and attention to what actually moves you. Sometimes that’s a perfectly calm day on the water. Sometimes it’s getting tossed around by waves while your husband insists the weather is “perfect.”

Both can be doorways to authentic excitement when we stop trying to force the experience and start trusting the process.

The next time you find yourself in expectation prison, trying to feel thrilled about something that isn’t genuinely exciting you, remember: there’s probably something actually worth getting excited about happening right under your nose. You just have to be present enough to notice it.

Even if it’s fifty miles out at sea, getting bounced around like a rag doll while learning that your husband has a very creative relationship with weather reports.

What unexpected experience has genuinely thrilled you lately? Sometimes the best adventures are the ones that go completely off-script, teaching us that authentic excitement often lives in the space between what we planned and what actually happens.