Today I Choose to be Changing – How to be Changing

Let’s be honest: transformation is messy. It’s rarely the neat “before and after” story we see in glossy ads. Most of the time, it’s trial, error, false starts, and plenty of backslides.

When I was younger, weight was never a problem. I was naturally svelte, the kind of person who could eat what she wanted and never gain a pound. Then fifty hit—and with it, menopause. My metabolism zigged when it should have zagged. 145 crept up to 165 in what felt like the blink of an eye. (It also happened to be the same year I started my current job. Coincidence? I don’t think so.)

That slow expansion of my midsection wasn’t just physical—it chipped away at my happiness. I tried everything: extreme calorie restriction with Cesar Lara (500 calories a day—brutal). Sure, the scale dropped, all the way to 130 by Thanksgiving 2015. But by mid-2016, I was back at 165. Diets, meal plans, exercise regimens—down, up, down, up. That cycle continued for years.

I even read all 700 pages of “The Secret Life of Fat,” determined to understand the science behind my struggle. Knowledge didn’t make the process any less frustrating, but it helped me realize this wasn’t a failure of willpower—it was biology fighting back.

In 2023, I discovered Ozempic. The weight fell fast—20 pounds gone, back down to 145. But when I stopped, the creep returned. Now, in mid-2025, I’m watching the numbers slowly rise again.

At any point, I could have given up. I could have shrugged and said, *I’m 61, I’m happily married, bring me the Dubai chocolate, please.* But I haven’t. I keep trying. I keep showing up for the messy process.

The truth? I haven’t conquered this challenge. But I’ve learned that persistence itself is a kind of progress. That “failing” over and over is still better than surrendering. And maybe transformation isn’t about a perfect finish line—maybe it’s about refusing to quit the race.

The Myth of Linear Progress

The stories we tell about successful change follow a predictable pattern: identify problem, find solution, implement consistently, achieve desired result, maintain forever. Real change rarely follows this neat progression.

Most meaningful transformation involves cycles of progress and setbacks, periods of motivation followed by phases of struggle, breakthrough moments followed by plateaus that seem to last forever. This isn’t evidence of failure—it’s the normal pattern of how human beings actually change.

Understanding this reality can reduce the shame and self-criticism that often accompany the inevitable setbacks. When you expect change to be messy and non-linear, you’re less likely to interpret temporary reversals as permanent failures.

The Biology of Resistance

One of the most frustrating aspects of trying to change long-established patterns is discovering how much your own biology works against you. Bodies are designed to maintain homeostasis, which means they resist changes to established set points and rhythms.

Weight loss triggers metabolic adaptations that make regaining weight much easier than maintaining loss. Stress responses become habitual, making it difficult to change emotional patterns even when you intellectually understand better approaches. Sleep patterns, energy levels, and even mood can resist modification despite your best efforts.

This biological resistance isn’t a character flaw or lack of willpower—it’s evolution protecting you from changes that might threaten survival. Understanding this can help you approach change with more realistic expectations and less self-judgment.

The Value of Persistent Failure

Perhaps the most important lesson from years of repeated attempts at change is that continued effort has value even when it doesn’t produce the desired outcome. Each cycle teaches something new about your patterns, triggers, or effective strategies.

My repeated weight loss and regain cycles taught me about the relationship between stress and eating, the importance of sustainable approaches over dramatic interventions, and the emotional components of food relationships that go far beyond hunger and nutrition.

More importantly, continuing to try despite repeated setbacks builds resilience, self-compassion, and a realistic understanding of change that serves you in all areas of life, not just the specific challenge you’re addressing.

Redefining Success

When change doesn’t follow the expected timeline or produce lasting results, it’s tempting to label the entire effort as failure. But this perspective misses the real value of persistent engagement with improvement.

Success might be maintaining awareness of the issue rather than giving up entirely. It might be recovering more quickly from setbacks. It might be learning to separate your self-worth from your success with specific challenges. It might be developing compassion for others facing similar struggles.

These forms of progress aren’t as visible or dramatic as the before-and-after photos, but they often have more lasting impact on overall life satisfaction and wellbeing.

The Alternative to Surrender

At some point in every difficult change process, surrender becomes tempting. It would be easier to accept current reality, stop expending energy on challenging goals, and redirect attention to areas where progress feels more achievable.

Sometimes surrender is the wisest choice—when continued effort is damaging your mental health, when the goal itself is problematic, or when other priorities deserve your energy. But more often, the temptation to give up comes from frustration with the pace of progress rather than a genuine reassessment of the goal’s value.

The alternative to surrender isn’t necessarily more intensive effort—it might be adjusting your approach, timeline, or definition of success while maintaining commitment to continued growth in that area.

Practical Strategies for Sustainable Change

Learning to work with the reality of messy, non-linear change requires different strategies than those designed for mythical linear progress.

Expect cycles. Plan for setbacks as normal parts of the process rather than evidence of failure. This reduces the emotional devastation that often accompanies temporary reversals.

Focus on systems over outcomes. Develop sustainable practices that support your goals rather than just pursuing dramatic results. These systems remain valuable even when outcomes fluctuate.

Celebrate small wins. Acknowledge incremental progress and learning rather than waiting for major breakthroughs to feel successful.

Learn from each cycle. After setbacks, examine what worked, what didn’t, and what you learned rather than just feeling disappointed about the outcome.

Adjust without abandoning. Modify your approach based on what you’ve learned while maintaining commitment to the underlying goal.

The Long View

Perhaps the most important perspective shift for sustainable change involves extending your timeline beyond immediate results to long-term growth and learning. When you view change as a lifelong process rather than a short-term project, temporary setbacks become less significant.

The person I am now—more self-aware, more compassionate toward others facing similar struggles, more realistic about the change process—is partly the result of years of imperfect efforts at weight management. These qualities have value independent of whether I ever achieve my ideal weight.

Today, I choose to continue engaging with challenging changes not because I’ve mastered the process, but because the alternative—giving up on growth entirely—feels like a betrayal of my own potential.

Because sometimes the most revolutionary thing you can do is keep trying, even when your efforts feel imperfect, slow, or unsuccessful by conventional standards.