Today I Choose to be Astute: From Hypervigilance to Actua…

I’ve always been hyper-aware of people’s moods. When you grow up with an alcoholic mother, reading the emotional temperature of a room becomes a survival skill. Is she on gin number three or five? Is that silence dangerous or just tired?

But here’s what took me 60 years to learn: hyper-aware doesn’t necessarily translate into astute.

Hyper-aware meant I could sense everyone’s discomfort and would trip over myself to fix it – everyone’s happiness mattered except mine. Self-sacrifice for the sake of peace was my go-to move. I was like an emotional smoke detector, constantly alerting but never actually putting out fires.

Astute? That’s different. That’s when you see the patterns, understand the why, and choose your response based on wisdom rather than wounds.

The Epiphany: When the Facade Cracked

A friend (who shall remain nameless to protect the validation-seeking) taught me the difference. When I first met him, I thought he was super confident, even conceited. But clues accumulated over time – disconnects between his words and actions, the way he needed constant reassurance, the “FML” texts at dawn.

Eventually, I realized he’s actually someone still seeking validation externally because he doesn’t know how to give it to himself. Understanding that he operates from a “hurt, not-enough little boy” place makes his Eeyore-meets-Chicken Little moments easier to handle.

That’s astuteness – not just noticing someone’s difficult, but understanding why. And more importantly, not feeling responsible for fixing it.

When Hopium Overrides Everything

Of course, being observant doesn’t mean you always use what you observe. In my 30s, I had a boyfriend who was cheating on me regularly. The signs were everywhere:

• Not answering calls for long stretches
• Strange absences
• Mystery “friends”

My astuteness was screaming, but my “hopium” was stronger than my sense. I stuck my head in the sand, focused on “helping” him with his drug problem instead. I even took him to Tony Robbins’ Unleash the Power Within to “fix” him.

Plot twist: The only thing that got fixed was me.

Those three days of intensive self-understanding – examining what drives you, what you value, whether your actions align with your values – made everything crystal clear. This guy was wrong on every level and met none of the values I valued.

I went to fix him. I left fixed myself. Sometimes astuteness means recognizing when you’ve been desperately unastute.

The Business of Being Astute

A lifetime of studying people (plus listening more than I speak) has sharpened these skills into something actually useful. In business, I love data and detail. I find patterns like other people find Waldo.

Last year, reviewing Power BI reports for our companies, I noticed alarming increases in cancellations. Our operations manager had “reasons,” but none matched the actual cancel-reason data. The percentages were growing, but his explanations were shrinking in credibility.

I did a deep dive and discovered extensive breakage and operator errors. When I debunked his reasons with actual proof, he was not thrilled. Actually, he’s still not thrilled.

That’s the price of astuteness sometimes – people don’t always appreciate when you see through their BS to the actual problem.

Just yesterday, I was reviewing FedEx bills – just the totals, not even the details. One or two numbers jumped off the page like they were highlighted in neon. Downloaded the full bills, checked the details, and sure enough: they were overcharging us by a lot. Now they’re auditing, but we’re talking over $6,000 we would have just paid.

That’s astuteness paying for itself, literally.

The Evolution from Survival to Wisdom

Sixty-year-old me would probably want to smack 30-year-old me – if she weren’t so evolved. (See? Growth!)

Young Susie’s hyper-awareness was about survival: Read the room, fix everyone, sacrifice yourself for peace. Current Susie’s astuteness is about wisdom: See the patterns, understand the motivations, choose your response.

I still try to be accommodating, but not to my peril. I can see someone’s “not enough” wounds without making them my emergency. I can catch a $6,000 overcharge without apologizing for noticing. I can understand why the operations manager gave false reasons without pretending to believe them.

The Art of Astuteness Without Cynicism

Here’s the vulnerability: How do you see through people without losing faith in them? How do you become astute without becoming bitter?

The answer goes back to my Wheaties philosophy: Nobody wakes up thinking, “How can I mess with Susie today?” People operate from their own wounds, fears, and limitations. Seeing that clearly isn’t cynical – it’s compassionate.

When my boss texts “FML” before sunrise, I understand it’s coming from his validation-seeking, not from wanting to ruin my morning. When the operations manager lies about cancellations, he’s protecting himself, not targeting me. When FedEx overcharges, it’s systematic error, not personal vendetta.

Understanding people’s shortcomings without becoming cynical about humanity – that’s the master class in astuteness.

Your Astuteness Audit

Week 1: Pattern Recognition Practice

• Review any regular bills or reports
• Look for patterns that seem “off”
• Trust your gut when numbers jump off the page

Week 2: Facade Detection

• Notice disconnects between words and actions
• Ask yourself: What need drives this behavior?
• Practice seeing the “hurt child” in difficult people

Week 3: Hopium Inventory

• Where are you ignoring obvious signs?
• What are you hoping will magically improve?
• Schedule your own “Unleash the Power” moment of clarity

Week 4: Wisdom Without Cynicism

• Practice seeing flaws without losing compassion
• Remember: Understanding doesn’t mean accepting
• Set boundaries without building walls

The Truth About Becoming Astute

Being astute after 50 isn’t about developing new skills – it’s about refining what trauma taught us and choosing how to use it. It’s the difference between a smoke detector that never stops shrieking and a sophisticated system that knows which alarms matter.

My childhood made me hyper-aware. My experiences made me observant. But wisdom? That made me astute. Now I can spot a validation-seeker, a cheater, a liar, or a $6,000 overcharge – and handle each appropriately without sacrificing myself for anyone’s comfort.

The operations manager still hates me. The FedEx audit is pending. My ex is someone else’s project now. And my boss still needs external validation.

That’s not cynicism. That’s astuteness. And at 60, I’ve earned every bit of it.

Join our community of women who’ve evolved from hyper-aware people-pleasers to genuinely astute observers. Share your best “I should have seen that coming” story below – bonus points if hopium was involved.

P.S. To all the operations managers with creative explanations: We see you. We have Power BI. And we’re not afraid to use it.