Today I Choose to be Approachable: Without Attracting Swingers or Creating Office Anarchy

There we were at a Papa Roach concert, enjoying the music in the Florida sun, when Curtis struck up a conversation with the guy next to him. Within minutes, this stranger was telling Curtis about his wife’s erotic writing career and how beautiful he thought I was.

I knew where this was heading. The swingers had found us. Again.

Look, I’m all for being approachable. But somewhere between “friendly CFO who cares about her staff” and “please jump in our bed uninvited,” there’s a line. I’ve crossed it. Repeatedly. Against my will.

The Ken and Barbie Swinger Magnet Years

Back in our younger days, people called Curtis and me “Ken and Barbie.” Apparently, when you combine his gregarious extroversion with my genuine kindness and interest in people, you create some sort of lifestyle beacon that attracts every swinger within a 50-mile radius.

I can’t count the number of dinners where conversation turned progressively more salacious while I kicked Curtis under the table. You know it’s heading south when someone mentions pineapples and they’re not talking about fruit salad. (If you don’t know about upside-down pineapples, God bless your innocence.)

The worst incident? Curtis’s friends were staying with us. We were kind, engaged, good listeners. Normal host behavior, right?

Wrong.

After we went to bed (and I don’t wear pajamas – relevant detail), they interpreted our friendliness as an invitation and JUMPED INTO OUR BED. With us in it. I’ve never wanted to disappear into a mattress more in my entire life. Curtis had to actually persuade them to return to their own bed while I lay there, naked and mortified, wondering where we’d gone wrong.

Turns out, being genuinely interested in people can be wildly misinterpreted.

When Workplace Approachability Creates Democracy

Unlike some executives with “resting CFO face,” I’m approachable. Too approachable. This has created some interesting workplace dynamics where employees forget that “friendly” doesn’t mean “optional hierarchy.”

Take Giann, my assistant. I know about his baby mama drama in excruciating detail. I know exactly what his vomit looked like on his last sick day (green, apparently, with chunks – you’re welcome for that visual). But somewhere between being a supportive supervisor and hearing about his digestive issues, Giann decided our office had become a democracy.

He arbitrarily stopped logging in. Or tracking sick time. Or vacation time.

When I finally had to address this, he seemed genuinely surprised. I had to channel my rarely-used CFO voice: “Giann, we are indeed friends, but first and foremost, I am your supervisor. Not logging time is equivalent to stealing. This is a terminable offense.”

I wrote him up with a final warning, even though I genuinely care about him. His parents aren’t there for him, he’s had few role models, and he has heart and spunk. He just makes “errors in judgment all the blessed time.”

Then there was Misael, my ex-assistant, who actually explained to me why he didn’t need to work a minute of overtime and why I was wrong to expect it. The approachability had gone so far that he felt comfortable lecturing his CFO about labor expectations.

He doesn’t work here anymore.

The Art of Strategic Temper Loss

Sometimes, being approachable means knowing when to strategically lose your temper. Not real anger – controlled explosions that remind everyone that while I’m friendly, I’m still the CFO of 18 companies.

It’s a delicate balance. Too soft, and you’re running a democracy where sick time becomes optional. Too hard, and you’re the unapproachable executive nobody talks to. I aim for “approachable with boundaries,” which sometimes requires what I call “therapeutic yelling.”

Inappropriate Timing and the Approachability Curse

The curse of approachability follows you everywhere. During Curtis’s ICU stay – when he was literally fighting for his life with sepsis – coworkers approached me with office drama.

“I’m sorry, but Sarah took my yogurt from the fridge…”

I had to gently explain that while Curtis was on life support, I didn’t have the bandwidth for refrigerator politics.

But it’s not just work. My approachable face attracts public therapy sessions. During my bartender days, I counseled countless souls through divorces, job losses, and existential crises. My kids’ friends have approached me with everything from relationship issues to self-esteem problems. I’ve become the neighborhood wisdom dispenser, whether I signed up for it or not.

The Curtis Factor

Curtis’s extreme extroversion amplifies my approachability by association. He can make friends with a fence post, and suddenly I’m part of whatever connection he’s created. This combination of his “I’ve never met a stranger” personality and my “I genuinely care about your story” nature creates perfect storms of oversharing and boundary confusion.

Even now, at 60, I think our neighbors might have a thing for us. The swinger magnet may have weakened with age, but it hasn’t completely demagnetized.

The Real Cost of Being Too Approachable

Here’s the truth: I genuinely care about people. When Giann tells me about his struggles, I want to help. When kids approach me with problems their parents can’t handle, I want to provide guidance. When strangers share their stories, I’m honestly interested.

But being approachable shouldn’t mean:

• Becoming an unpaid therapist
• Having naked strangers in your bed
• Running an office democracy
• Fielding work drama during medical emergencies
• Being recruited for lifestyle choices you didn’t sign up for

Finding the Approachable Sweet Spot

After decades of being too approachable, here’s what I’ve learned:

1. Set Clear Context Boundaries “I care about you, but right now I’m your supervisor” has become my mantra. Context matters.

2. Master the Strategic No “I’d love to hear about this when my husband isn’t actively dying” is a reasonable boundary.

3. Read the Room (and the Pineapples) If dinner conversation turns salacious, it’s okay to develop a sudden headache.

4. Embrace Selective Deafness Sometimes the most approachable thing is to pretend you didn’t hear the overshare about bodily functions.

5. Deploy Strategic Firmness Occasional controlled temper displays remind people that approachable doesn’t mean pushover.

The Approachability Paradox

The irony is that being genuinely approachable – truly caring about people, listening to their stories, being interested in their lives – is a gift. It creates real connections and helps people feel seen and valued.

It also occasionally results in naked acquaintances in your bed.

The key is finding that sweet spot where you’re warm and genuine without becoming everyone’s therapist, lifestyle experiment, or democracy leader. Where you can care about Giann’s success without knowing his digestive details. Where you can be friendly at concerts without attracting erotic literature discussions.

Your Approachability Action Plan

1. Practice the Contextual Pivot: “I care about you AND I’m your boss.”
2. Master the Graceful Deflection: “That sounds really challenging. Have you considered therapy?”
3. Develop Boundary Phrases: “I’d love to help, but this isn’t the right time/place.”
4. Create Physical Boundaries: Sometimes stepping back physically helps maintain emotional boundaries.
5. Know Your Limits: It’s okay to care about people without absorbing their every problem.

Remember: Being approachable is about creating genuine connections, not becoming a 24/7 emotional support hotline or accidental swinger.

The goal is to be the kind of person others feel comfortable approaching with real needs, while maintaining enough boundaries that they don’t feel comfortable jumping in your bed uninvited.

Trust me on this one. I’ve got the mortifying memories to prove it.

Join our community of overly approachable women who’ve accidentally created office democracies or attracted unwanted lifestyle invitations. Share your best “too approachable” story below. Bonus points if it involves inappropriate timing, TMI overshares, or neighbors with questionable intentions.

P.S. To all the Gianns out there: Your boss caring about you doesn’t mean sick time is optional. Log your hours.