Today I Choose to be Inclusive – How to be Inclusive

Inclusive isn’t just about inviting people in—it’s about making sure they feel like they belong once they’re there.

I remember one Thanksgiving when Curtis’s brother Kyle had just married Melissa, whose family had recently come to the U.S. from Colombia. I didn’t just want them to attend the dinner, I wanted them to feel part of it. So, yes, I set a beautiful table with handmade name cards and all the traditional Thanksgiving dishes—but I also asked Melissa’s family to bring their favorites. We ended up with Colombian specialties sitting right next to turkey and stuffing, and it was perfect.

In the weeks leading up, I even dusted off my pitiful Spanish—why, oh why, did I take French in high school?—and practiced enough to at least stumble through greetings and questions. It wasn’t elegant, but it was received with warmth. That night, I looked around the table and saw not two families tolerating each other’s traditions, but one family sharing them.

That’s inclusion. It’s not about blending differences into sameness—it’s about honoring each contribution so that everyone feels seen, valued, and welcomed.

The Difference Between Inviting and Including

There’s a world of difference between being invited and being included. We’ve all been to those gatherings where we were technically invited but felt like outsiders the entire time. Where conversations happened around us but not with us. Where we were present but not truly welcomed.

Real inclusion requires intentionality. It means:

• Thinking ahead about what might make someone feel comfortable
• Adjusting your usual patterns to create space for others
• Being willing to feel a little awkward yourself so others don’t have to
• Celebrating differences rather than just tolerating them
• Making sure everyone has a way to contribute

What Inclusion Actually Feels Like

In your body, genuine inclusion feels expansive. Your chest opens, your shoulders relax, there’s a warmth that spreads when you see someone’s face light up because they truly feel welcomed. It’s different from the tight, performative feeling of checking diversity boxes or the exhaustion of trying to make everyone comfortable at your own expense.

When you’re being genuinely inclusive, you feel energized by the differences in the room, not threatened by them. There’s a curiosity, an openness, a genuine interest in learning from perspectives different from your own.

The Small Acts That Create Big Inclusion

Learn Names and Pronunciations
Nothing says “you matter” like taking the time to learn someone’s name correctly. Write it down phonetically if you need to. Practice. It matters more than you think.

Share the Conversational Space
Notice who’s been quiet. Create openings: “Maria, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.” Don’t put them on the spot, but create space for their voice.

Adjust Your References
Not everyone grew up with the same cultural touchstones. When you use references or idioms, check if everyone’s following. Be willing to explain without condescension.

Make Physical Space Accessible
This isn’t just about wheelchairs (though that matters too). It’s about considering different mobility levels, sensory needs, dietary restrictions. Ask ahead: “Is there anything I can do to make this comfortable for you?”

Honor Different Communication Styles
Some cultures value directness, others value harmony. Some people process out loud, others need quiet time to think. Make room for all of it.

When Inclusion Gets Complicated

Let’s be honest about the challenges:

When inclusion feels like work. Because it is work, especially at first. It requires stepping out of autopilot and being intentional. But like any practice, it gets easier and more natural over time.

When you mess up. And you will. I’ve mispronounced names, made assumptions, forgotten dietary restrictions. The key is to apologize simply, correct course, and do better next time. Don’t make your mistake about you and your guilt.

When inclusion conflicts with tradition. “But we’ve always done it this way” might need to give way to “How can we honor our tradition while making room for others?”

When being inclusive means confronting your own biases. We all have them. Being inclusive means being willing to examine them, even when it’s uncomfortable.

Inclusion in Different Spaces

In Your Home
This is where that Thanksgiving lesson lives. It’s about making your space feel welcoming to all who enter. Having a variety of seating options, considering different dietary needs without making a fuss, creating quiet spaces for those who need breaks from stimulation.

In Work Settings
Inclusion at work means more than diverse hiring. It’s about making sure all voices are heard in meetings, that different working styles are accommodated, that celebrations consider everyone’s traditions (or lack thereof).

In Social Groups
Whether it’s book club or hiking group, inclusion means choosing activities everyone can participate in, rotating who chooses, being mindful of economic differences when planning events.

In Family Gatherings
This might be the trickiest. Families have deep patterns. Being inclusive might mean standing up to Uncle Bob’s “jokes” or making sure the new daughter-in-law isn’t always the one in the kitchen.

The Ripple Effect of Inclusion

That Thanksgiving with Melissa’s family changed our family culture. We started celebrating Colombian Independence Day alongside the Fourth of July. My grandkids are growing up bilingual, moving seamlessly between worlds. What started as one inclusive dinner became a richer, more vibrant family tapestry.

That’s the magic of genuine inclusion—it doesn’t just benefit those being included. It enriches everyone. We all become more when we make room for each other’s fullness.

Inclusion as a Daily Practice

Being inclusive doesn’t require grand gestures. It shows up in small, daily choices:

In conversations: “Let’s make sure everyone has a chance to share” or “I’d love to hear from someone we haven’t heard from yet.”

In planning: “Is this time/place/format accessible for everyone?” and actually adjusting based on the answer.

In assumptions: Catching yourself before you assume everyone celebrates Christmas, has a traditional family structure, or shares your economic situation.

In language: Using “partner” until you know someone’s preferred term, avoiding idioms that might exclude, being mindful of pronouns.

The Vulnerable Truth About Inclusion

Here’s what I’ve learned at 61: Being truly inclusive requires vulnerability. It means admitting what you don’t know, being willing to be corrected, sitting with discomfort when your worldview is challenged.

That night with my broken Spanish? I felt foolish. But that vulnerability—that willingness to be imperfect in service of connection—created more inclusion than perfect pronunciation ever could have.

Inclusion isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being willing. Willing to learn, willing to adjust, willing to make room, willing to be uncomfortable so others can be comfortable.

Beyond Tolerance to Celebration

True inclusion goes beyond tolerating differences to actually celebrating them. It’s not “I don’t see color” (which erases important experiences) but “I see and value your uniqueness.”

It’s the difference between:

• “We accept everyone” vs. “We’re better because of everyone”
• “You’re welcome here despite your differences” vs. “You’re treasured here because of them”
• “We make accommodations” vs. “We design for diversity from the start”

Today’s Choice

Today, look for one opportunity to move from inviting to including. Maybe it’s in a meeting where you notice someone hasn’t spoken. Maybe it’s in planning an event where you consider needs you haven’t before. Maybe it’s in a conversation where you ask questions instead of making assumptions.

Remember: Inclusion isn’t a destination you arrive at. It’s a choice you make again and again, each time expanding the circle a little wider, making the table a little bigger, ensuring that everyone doesn’t just have a seat but feels like they belong there.

What spaces in your life could be more inclusive? Who’s been invited but not truly included? The choice to bridge that gap—that choice is always yours.