Today I Choose to be Attentive: When Unitasking.net Remains Unfinished After 10 Years

I created unitasking.net a decade ago. It’s still sitting there, mostly empty, because I haven’t focused on it enough. The irony isn’t lost on me.

I was a serial multitasker, raised in the “Working Girl” era when Melanie Griffith proclaimed “Right on top of that, Rose!” while juggling seventeen tasks. Multitasking wasn’t just valued – it was required. I’d have multiple phones to my head, accidentally confusing calls. Multiple spreadsheets open, closing the wrong one without saving. Using the wrong company name in emails. Once, I input hours into the wrong payroll window on Paycor entirely.

We thought we were productivity ninjas. We were actually attention disasters.

When Being Attentive Literally Saves Lives

Curtis’s illness taught me that being attentive isn’t just about productivity – it’s about survival. During his hospital stay, I had to advocate constantly because you can’t just trust that everything that needs doing is being done.

My attention caught:

• He’d had almost no nutrition over 12 days (got them to start a PICC line)
• His incision site was weeping infection material
• His increasing delirium was actually undiagnosed sepsis

That last one? If I hadn’t been paying attention, pointing it out to doctors who initially dismissed it as post-surgical confusion, he might not be here.

Suddenly, being attentive wasn’t about closing the right spreadsheet. It was about noticing the subtle changes that meant the difference between life and death.

The Work-From-Home Attention Disaster

Here’s the shameful truth: Sometimes Tyler or Curtis will talk to me while I’m working, and I really need to turn away from my computer to focus on their conversation. Sadly, I often only hear half of what they’re saying and miss the real meaning.

Just last week, Tyler was telling me about his evening – how his plans with his friend Kaleryia kept getting moved back, times changing. I heard the logistics but completely missed how he felt unimportant, like she didn’t care.

An hour later, my brain finally caught up with my ears. I stopped what I was doing, went to his room, and apologized for not being more present. Then I realized he was deeply hurt by her behavior. (Naturally, I then taught him about how nobody wakes up planning to shit in your Wheaties – parenting at its finest.)

Tyler’s reaction when I ask him to start over? He just resignedly begins again. It’s so commonplace, he knows me. That stings a little.

The Zoom Meeting Survival Guide

We have a long leadership meeting every week on Zoom. I literally glaze over some days. The people actually accomplishing things are interesting, but then you have people spewing fluff to hide the fact they’re accomplishing little. It’s agony.

Things I’ve done during this meeting:

• Took a shower
• Did a puzzle
• Washed dishes
• Finished simple tasks

I try to stay engaged but fail miserably countless times. Is this being inattentive? Or is it being selectively attentive to what actually matters? (I’m going with the latter to preserve my self-esteem.)

The Multitasking Myth vs. Mindful Reality

I’ve learned that task-switching is counterintuitive and slows you down. So now I:

• Turn off email, text, and Teams notifications
• Carve out times to focus on one task
• Silence everything during focused work
• Stop what I’m doing when I get a call

It’s much more peaceful and productive. But here’s the challenge: Working from home means I’m visibly present but mentally elsewhere. Curtis and Tyler see me sitting right there – why wouldn’t I be able to listen? But I’m also deeply involved in what I’m working on.

I want them to feel loved, heard, and cared about. But I also have to work 10-12 hours managing 18 companies. It’s the ultimate attention split.

Learning from the Attention Master

My mother-in-law Marjorie is exceptional at being present and listening attentively. What does she do differently?

Her eyes are on yours. She’s still and present. You feel her listening to you.

That’s it. No tricks, no techniques. Just genuine presence.

Compare that to me during Curtis’s revelations, where I’m half-listening while reconciling accounts, missing the emotional undertones until my brain catches up an hour later.

The AI Solution to Human Attention

Here’s how I’m creating more space for real attention: I’ve leveraged AI to be more efficient, delegating tasks it can complete better, faster, and stronger than I can.

What I delegate:

• Writing anything (emails, contracts, reports)
• Translating reports into stories
• Reading and understanding contracts, new laws, bills
• First drafts of everything

Countless hours saved. Hours I can theoretically use to be more attentive to the humans in my life. (Theoretically.)

The Community Wisdom on Attention

Being attentive in community isn’t about being perfect – it’s about caring enough to correct course. When I miss Tyler’s hurt feelings, I circle back. When I zone out during Curtis’s story, I apologize and ask him to repeat it. When I take a shower during a Zoom meeting… well, sometimes selective attention is self-care.

The truth is, we’re all trying to be attentive in a world designed for distraction. We’re managing multiple companies while caring for recovering spouses, raising young adults who still need us, and trying to maintain our own sanity.

Your Attention Action Plan

Week 1: The Notification Purge

• Turn off all non-essential notifications
• Set specific times for email/text checking
• Practice saying “Let me finish this and give you my full attention”

Week 2: The Tyler Test

• Notice when you’re half-listening
• Check in an hour later: What did you miss?
• Circle back and apologize when needed

Week 3: The Marjorie Method

• Practice eyes on, body still, fully present
• Start with just 5 minutes at a time
• Build up your attention stamina

Week 4: The Strategic Inattention

• Identify your “Zoom shower” meetings
• Give yourself permission to multitask strategically
• Save real attention for what matters

The Truth About Attention After 50

Here’s what I’ve learned: Being attentive isn’t about doing one thing at a time perfectly. It’s about knowing when attention literally saves lives (hospital advocacy), when it preserves relationships (catching hurt feelings an hour later), and when strategic inattention is actually self-preservation (shower Zooms).

My unfinished unitasking.net stands as a monument to this paradox. I believe in focused attention so much I created a website about it. I practice it so poorly the website remains empty after a decade.

But I caught my husband’s sepsis. I circle back when I miss my son’s pain. I’ve learned to delegate the tasks that drain attention from what matters.

That’s being attentive in real life – messy, imperfect, but ultimately about showing up for the people and moments that matter, even if it takes your brain an hour to catch up with your ears.

Join our community of women juggling 47 things while trying to be present for the 48th. Share your best “I was so inattentive that…” story below. Bonus points if it involves accidental Zoom appearances or delayed emotional processing.

P.S. If anyone wants to finish unitasking.net for me, I’m open to proposals. I’d focus on it myself, but I have 17 other things to do first.