Today I Choose to be Initiating – How to be Initiating

Understanding How to Be Initiating

I have to laugh at myself with this one—because writing an article about initiating has been the hardest to, well… initiate. Isn’t that always the way? The things we wrestle with most are often the ones we’re meant to talk about.

When I was younger, initiating meant being the first to hold his hand or leaning in for that terrifying first kiss. My stomach would knot, my pulse would race, and the questions would swirl: Will he pull away? Will I look foolish? Am I misreading this completely? Initiating felt scary and trepidatious, but also thrilling—because nothing new can begin until someone takes that first step.

And honestly? It still feels that way now. Case in point: launching Enlightenzz. I can still remember staring at the blinking cursor on my very first WordPress post, heart pounding, palms sweaty, inner critic screaming: Who are you to start this? What if no one reads it? What if everyone does? Clicking “Publish” felt as scary as those teenage moments of reaching for someone’s hand in the dark.

Here’s the contrarian truth: we tend to think that initiating means confidence—that people who start things are sure of themselves, bold, and unshakable. But most of the time, initiating doesn’t feel confident at all. It feels terrifying. It feels awkward. It feels like you might be making a huge mistake.

And that’s exactly the point. Because initiating isn’t about confidence—it’s about courage. It’s about being willing to start when you’re not ready, to risk looking foolish, and to create the possibility of something beautiful that wouldn’t exist if you’d waited for certainty.

Why Initiating Feels So Difficult

Learning how to be initiating goes against some of our deepest psychological programming. From childhood, many of us learn that it’s safer to wait, to follow, to respond rather than lead. We’re taught that initiating makes us vulnerable to rejection, criticism, or failure.

Research from Dr. Amy Cuddy shows that fear of rejection activates the same pain centers in our brains as physical injury. When we consider reaching out first, starting something new, or taking the lead, our nervous system literally interprets it as potential danger.

This is why that first WordPress post felt as scary as reaching for someone’s hand in high school. Both required making myself vulnerable to rejection, putting myself out there without knowing how others would respond. The stakes felt different, but the emotional risk was remarkably similar.

The Courage vs. Confidence Myth

We’re told that confident people initiate things, but I’ve learned the opposite is true: initiating things builds confidence. You don’t wait to feel ready—you start, and readiness comes through action.

Dr. Mel Robbins’ research on the “5 Second Rule” reveals that we have approximately five seconds between having an impulse to act and our brain talking us out of it. The longer we wait to initiate something, the more our fear-based thinking takes over and paralyzes us.

Every time I’ve initiated something meaningful—from that first terrifying blog post to reaching for someone’s hand, from starting difficult conversations to launching new projects—I’ve felt scared before, during, and sometimes even after. But I’ve never regretted the courageous choice to begin.

The Hidden Cost of Waiting for Permission

Many of us, especially women, are conditioned to wait for permission, invitation, or the “right” moment to initiate. We wait for someone else to start the conversation, suggest the date, propose the project, or extend the first invitation. But waiting for external permission often means waiting forever.

Research from the Center for Talent Innovation shows that women are significantly more likely than men to wait for explicit encouragement before taking on new challenges or leadership roles. We’re looking for signs that we’re wanted, welcomed, or qualified, when often the act of initiating is itself the qualification.

That blinking cursor on my first blog post represented years of waiting for someone to tell me I was qualified to write, smart enough to share ideas, or important enough to have a voice. The day I stopped waiting for permission was the day Enlightenzz was born.

How to Develop Your Initiating Muscle

Start Small and Build: You don’t have to launch a business or make grand romantic gestures. Practice initiating in low-stakes situations—text a friend first, suggest a restaurant, propose a weekend activity. Small acts of initiating build your tolerance for the vulnerability it requires.

Embrace the Awkwardness: Initiating will always feel a little awkward, even as you get better at it. Instead of waiting for the awkwardness to go away, learn to act despite it. Awkwardness is often a sign that you’re growing, not that you’re doing something wrong.

Focus on Contribution, Not Reception: Instead of worrying about how people will respond to your initiative, focus on what you’re offering. What value, connection, or possibility are you creating? This shifts your attention from fear-based thinking to service-based thinking.

Practice the “What If It Works?” Mindset: Our brains naturally jump to worst-case scenarios, but intentionally ask yourself: What if this goes beautifully? What if people respond positively? What if this creates exactly what I hoped for?

The Ripple Effects of Being Initiating

When you become someone who initiates—who starts conversations, suggests activities, launches projects, reaches out first—you don’t just change your own life. You create opportunities and possibilities for others too.

Every article I’ve published on Enlightenzz has connected me with women who needed to hear exactly those words at exactly that moment. Every time I’ve initiated connection with someone, it’s created opportunities for relationship that wouldn’t have existed otherwise.

People notice initiators. They remember the person who reached out first, who suggested getting together, who started the project everyone was thinking about but no one was willing to begin. Initiating makes you memorable not because you’re pushy, but because you’re brave.

When Initiating Goes Wrong

Not every initiative will be successful. Some projects will fail, some invitations will be declined, some conversations will be awkward, some relationships won’t develop as hoped. This isn’t a failure of initiating—it’s the normal cost of putting yourself out there.

Dr. Brené Brown’s research on vulnerability shows that people who live courageously don’t fail less—they recover faster. They understand that rejection, failure, and awkwardness are prices you pay for a life of possibility rather than regret.

The blog posts that nobody reads, the invitations that get declined, the projects that don’t work out—these aren’t evidence that you shouldn’t initiate. They’re evidence that you’re brave enough to try, and that’s always worth celebrating.

Initiating as a Life Philosophy

Being initiating isn’t just about starting projects or making the first move romantically. It’s about taking ownership of your life, your relationships, and your dreams. It’s about refusing to wait for perfect conditions, complete confidence, or someone else’s permission.

It’s about recognizing that most of the things we want—connection, creativity, growth, love, meaningful work—don’t happen to us. They happen through us, when we’re brave enough to start.

Some of my most treasured relationships began because I reached out first. Some of my proudest accomplishments started with terrifying first steps. Some of my greatest joys came from initiating things that scared me but called to me anyway.

Your Permission to Begin

You don’t need anyone’s permission to start something meaningful. You don’t need perfect confidence, ideal conditions, or guaranteed success. You just need willingness—willingness to be uncomfortable, to risk rejection, to look foolish in service of something that matters to you.

Today, choose to be initiating. Start that conversation you’ve been avoiding. Send that text you’ve been composing in your head. Begin that project you’ve been “getting ready” for. Reach out to that person you’ve been thinking about.

Remember that every beautiful beginning started with someone being brave enough to go first, even when—especially when—they felt scared, unprepared, or uncertain about the outcome.

Whether it’s a kiss, a dream, or a new chapter in life—nothing begins until someone makes the first move. Today, let that someone be you.