The Messy Truth About Commitment That No One Talks About
One of the most testing seasons of commitment came after Curtis’s health crisis. While he was in the hospital, then during his long recovery, my own health became… optional. Who has time for exercise when you’re managing medications, doctor appointments, and trying to keep a business running? Who meal preps when you’re eating hospital cafeteria food at midnight?
I gained weight. A lot of weight. The kind that makes your doctor’s eyebrows do that thing.
So I committed—really committed—to getting healthy. Meal prep Sundays. Daily walks. Water tracking. The whole production.
For exactly eleven days.
Then Curtis had a bad day, work exploded, and I found myself eating cereal for dinner at 10 PM, my Fitbit judging me from the counter where I’d abandoned it.
Here’s what I’m learning about willing: it’s not a one-time decision. It’s a thousand small decisions. And you won’t nail all thousand. You might not even nail half.
But willing means you keep choosing, even after you’ve failed. Especially after you’ve failed.
Yesterday I meal prepped. Today I ate cookies for breakfast. Tomorrow I’ll try again.
That’s what willing really looks like—not perfect commitment, but persistent return. Not unbroken dedication, but the choice to begin again, even when beginning again feels embarrassing.
At 61, I’m learning that willing isn’t about willpower. It’s about being gentle enough with yourself to keep coming back to what matters, even when you’ve wandered off the path seventeen times before lunch.
The mess-ups don’t disqualify you from being willing. They’re part of it. They’re proof you’re human, trying to change, in a life that keeps happening while you’re trying to change.
So I’m willing. Imperfectly, inconsistently, but persistently willing. Some days that looks like a perfect meal plan executed flawlessly. Most days it looks like choosing an apple after the cookies, or walking to the mailbox when the gym didn’t happen, or drinking one glass of water after a day of coffee.
Small, imperfect, very human willingness. It’s not Instagram-worthy. But it’s real. And it’s enough.
🌟 Continue Your Journey:
- Today I Choose to be Fluid
- Today I Choose to be Opulent
- Today I Choose to be Unfettered
- Today I Choose to be Playful
- Today I Choose to be Blossoming
📚 Get the Book: “Today I Choose to Be” – 365 Daily Intentions
Related: Today I Choose to be Clear – How to be C | Today I Choose to be Willing – How to be | Today I Choose to be Curious – How to be
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💡 Midlife Reality Check
Traditional self-help not working anymore? You’re not alone.
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Traditional self-help not working anymore? You’re not alone.
💡 Midlife Reality Check
Traditional self-help not working anymore? You’re not alone.
💡 Midlife Reality Check
Traditional self-help not working anymore? You’re not alone.
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The Science Behind Being Committed
Research in neuroscience and psychology reveals fascinating insights about cultivating committedness in our daily lives. When we consciously choose to be committed, we’re not just making a mental decision – we’re actually creating neural pathways that make this state more accessible over time.
Studies have shown that intentional practice of positive states like being committed can lead to measurable changes in brain structure and function. The neuroplasticity of our brains means that what we practice, we become. Each time you choose to be committed, you’re strengthening those neural connections.
The prefrontal cortex, our brain’s executive center, plays a crucial role in this process. When activated through conscious choice, it can regulate emotional responses and help maintain the state of being committed even when external circumstances are challenging.
5 Practical Exercises to Cultivate Being Committed
1. Morning Intention Setting
Start your day by spending 3-5 minutes setting a clear intention to be committed. Write it down: “Today I choose to be committed because…” and complete the sentence with your personal why. This anchors your intention in purpose.
2. The Committed Breath
Develop a breathing pattern that embodies being committed. Take 4 slow counts to inhale, hold for 4, then exhale for 6. As you breathe, imagine inhaling committedness and exhaling anything that blocks this state. Practice this 5 times throughout your day.
3. Body Scan for Committedness
Several times daily, pause and scan your body from head to toe. Notice where you’re holding tension that prevents being committed. Consciously relax those areas and adjust your posture to embody committedness.
4. The Committed Reminder
Set 3 random alarms on your phone. When they go off, pause whatever you’re doing and ask yourself: “How can I be more committed right now?” Make one small adjustment based on your answer.
5. Evening Reflection
Before bed, journal about three moments when you successfully chose to be committed today. What worked? What was challenging? This reflection reinforces the neural pathways you’ve been building.
Common Obstacles to Being Committed (And How to Overcome Them)
Obstacle 1: Old Patterns
We all have deeply ingrained patterns that can work against being committed. These might be inherited from family, developed through past experiences, or absorbed from our culture. Recognizing these patterns is the first step to changing them. When you notice yourself defaulting to non-committed behaviors, pause and consciously choose differently.
Obstacle 2: Environmental Triggers
Certain people, places, or situations might make it harder to be committed. Rather than avoiding these entirely, prepare yourself mentally before encountering them. Visualize yourself remaining committed despite the challenges.
Obstacle 3: Inner Critic
That voice in your head might say you’re not naturally committed, or that it’s fake to try to be something you’re not. Remember: you’re not pretending to be committed, you’re practicing it. Like any skill, it becomes more natural with repetition.
Obstacle 4: Energy Depletion
When we’re tired, stressed, or overwhelmed, maintaining any positive state becomes harder. This is why self-care isn’t selfish – it’s essential for sustaining your ability to be committed. Ensure you’re getting enough rest, nutrition, and downtime.
Integrating Committedness Into Your Daily Life
At Work
Being committed in professional settings can transform your work experience. Start meetings with a moment of committed intention. When faced with challenges, ask yourself: “How would a committed person handle this?” Let that guide your response.
In Relationships
Bringing committedness to your relationships creates space for deeper connection. Practice active listening from a committed state. Notice how it changes the quality of your interactions when you approach others while embodying committedness.
During Routine Tasks
Transform mundane activities into opportunities to practice being committed. Whether washing dishes, commuting, or exercising, use these times to embody committedness fully. This makes every moment a chance for growth.
In Challenging Moments
The true test of choosing to be committed comes during difficulties. These are actually the most powerful times to practice. Each time you maintain committedness despite challenges, you build resilience and prove to yourself that this choice is always available.
The Ripple Effect of Being Committed
When you choose to be committed, you’re not just changing your own experience – you’re influencing everyone around you. Emotions and states of being are contagious. Your committedness can inspire others to access their own capacity for this quality.
Consider how being committed affects:
- Your family: Children learn more from what we model than what we say. When they see you choosing to be committed, they learn this is possible for them too.
- Your community: One committed person can shift the energy of an entire room. Your presence becomes a gift to others.
- Your legacy: The moments when you chose to be committed will be remembered long after other details fade. This is how we leave a lasting positive impact.
